Family man seeks the same

Dear Amy: I’m a 36-year-old gay man. I have always had an interest in starting a family.

I have a good career, which could be part of why I’ve been single for roughly 10 years now.

I’ve dated professionals five to 20 years older than I, but I know that people in that age group are unlikely to want a family, and there is an imbalance in the dynamic.

On the flip side, I have dated those five to 10 years younger, and the connection can seem just as great as those on the older side, but they are still starting out, dealing with their own struggles.

Ideally, it would be great to meet someone who is at a similar place in their life as I am, but I wonder, at this age in my life and given the length of time I’ve been single, am I asking too much? — Professional and Single in Portland

Dear Single: You are not asking too much. You are asking the exact right amount.

You shouldn’t make assumptions about people based solely on their age. Although I agree that age has an impact on a person’s readiness to have children, being family oriented is more of a core value.

It seems that your approach so far has a Goldilocks quality. You’ve tried dating people who you perceive are too old for children, you’ve dated people who are too young and now, at 36, you are looking for someone who is just right.

Put the word out among your friend group and rewrite your profile on whatever online matching sites you use that you are a family oriented man.

You might find that all of your peers seem to be taken.

If that is the case, if you want to get started on building your family, you can do so as a single man. Look into adoption, surrogacy and fostering. Also consider dating available men who are already dads. Being a stepparent is a challenge and joy.