Dad worries about partner’s texting

Dear Amy: I’m a 50-year-old divorced father of three wonderful daughters.

My previous marriage was not a healthy one. My wife had several affairs.

I’m now in a very loving relationship with someone I adore. My girls love her and she’s a great motherly figure. We’ve talked extensively about marriage.

The one thing that bothers me involves texting and social media. She routinely gets text messages from a male co-worker. I firmly believe that it’s inappropriate and unnecessary.

She is a devoted life partner, but why does this continue?

Before we were fully committed, she went on a trip that was previously planned to visit a man she was in a prior relationship with. She wasn’t fully forthcoming about this until she returned home.

I’m thinking about getting engaged, but I wonder why these behaviors continue.

Am I being unreasonable and insecure? — Just Wondering

Dear Wondering: Your girlfriend is a “devoted life partner.” Devoted life partners get to have friends outside of the partnership. These friendships should not be conducted in secret and should be acknowledged openly.

The friendship with this coworker predates your relationship. Platonic friendships outside of the primary relationship are not “inappropriate” or “unnecessary.” In fact, these friendships can demonstrate a person’s capacity for other relationships.

Yes, texting and posting during “together time” is distracting and rude to one’s partner. Perhap you can all agree on parameters regarding use.

You need to differentiate between human instincts and the toxic trust issues perpetuated in your marriage and triggered by this work friendship.