Drinking creates marriage problems

Dear Amy: I am 63 and my husband (of six years) is 67. He drinks every night. Most nights he drinks to the point of stumbling, and not recalling what he says or does.

He says he doesn’t remember his actions because he was so tired, not because he was so drunk.

In recent years he gets so negative and grumpy in the evening and takes a toll on me — emotionally and physically.

He refuses to admit he has a problem.

I am at a loss as to how to stay focused on me, and on keeping healthy and happy in my own life.

Divorce, right now, seems very difficult due to the virus and stock market losses, and resulting large losses of our retirement funds.

Is there anything I can do? — Worried

Dear Worried: I’m so sorry you are trapped with a husband who is both in the grip of alcohol and in a state of denial. Obviously, if he is drinking to the point of intoxication every night, he is at increased risk for accidents and falls.

You should do your very best to steer clear of him when he’s drinking. Retreat to another room. Do not engage with him when he is drunk.

Given that he seems to forget what he has said and done, he is quite conveniently also absent from acknowledging and accepting consequences.

Detachment is the art of lovingly letting go. Detachment will help you to cope.

Al-Anon is the 12-step change agent for countless concerned “friends and family” of alcoholics. During the pandemic, the organization is hosting “electronic meetings” to substitute for meetings.

I hope you notice that all of this information is pointed toward YOU.

Clarity on where you stand in your own life will help you to discern what you should do next.