Pandemic brings out the boring

Dear Amy: I have been friends with “Mimsy” for 30 years. Mimsy never was an interesting person.

The last time I called to ask her how she was doing, all she did was complain in a monotone voice. She claims she is bored at home. She went out not too long ago and, “didn’t enjoy the day.” All she talks about is the pandemic.

I hear enough about that just by listening to the news.

I know, if Mimsy is so boring and depressing, why don’t I stop calling her? That would be easy enough.

If I don’t call her, I doubt if she would bother to call me. But I don’t feel 100 percent right doing that.

Any suggestions? — Loyal Friend

Dear Loyal: Balance and a sense of mutuality are important in friendships. Intimate relationships are rewarding because you feel seen and heard — and you see and hear the other person. An active friendship dynamic can be like a seesaw.

You don’t really have an intimate friendship with “Mimsy,” because there is no mutuality. Mimsy is simply someone you have known for a long time.

I’m going to make a radical suggestion: Stick with her. Do so out of compassion for her, understanding that you will receive little in return.

If you mentally reframe how you see this relationship, these phone calls can go from being a chore to a good deed. Give Mimsy the most valuable thing you have, which is an hour or so of your time. Instead of passively listening to her and praying for the call to end, see what it is like if you engage more energetically.

I wouldn’t suggest this if your contact with Mimsy seriously depleted you, but it doesn’t seem to. Maybe you can tolerate an hour or so of boredom in order to be there for someone else. It’s worth a try. And if you try now, you definitely won’t feel guilty later.