Confronting mess needs to lose it

Dear Amy: My son married “Anna” two years ago, a few weeks before the birth of my grandson. They will probably be living with us for the next five years (at least) because of my son’s student loans.

My husband and I work full-time jobs and make a comfortable living.

I watch my grandson when I am not working. My son works full-time and Anna is taking online classes.

My house now looks like a day care center. Dirty dishes in the sink, and (worst of all) dirty diapers are left in a bag on the front porch.

I cook two meals each day, clean the downstairs, mop and vacuum at least once a week. I am exhausted and frustrated.

Anna used to help me occasionally, but recently — she stopped.

How can I get them to be more helpful? — Exhausted

Dear Exhausted: First of all, your house doesn’t look like a day care center, because there, the adults clean up at the end of a workday.

I suggest that you stage a good, old-fashioned breakdown.

Get your husband on board, and practice in advance if you need to.

Take the couple on a tour of the downstairs: “Please pick up those cups and throw them away. Are these your dishes in the sink? You need to wash them.”

Move onto the porch, where you brandish the diapers.

Then give them the lowdown: “Dad and I work. Every single day, we expect to come home to a tidy house. Every day. Furthermore, you two need to figure out how to get a meal on the table.”

The idea is to basically scare them into respecting the needs of the household — and then thank and praise them sincerely when they do.

Perhaps you should consider helping your son to pay off his college loans.