Make your life smoother and quieter with new Bentley

Money never really pegged the needles on my little gauges.

Call me Uber Underachiever, but homes the size of office buildings, cloud-scorching jets and massive six-figure cars just don’t rev my motor.

I prefer the high road: pork-and-beans, poverty and joinalism, er, journalism—or so I thought.

In the last few weeks, I’ve fallen into several breathtakingly expensive cars—cast adrift for weeks at a time in a creamy sea of real wood, thick carpet and rich, hand-stitched leather.

And the 2015 Bentley Flying Spur V-8 filled my old sails with even more lilac-scented wind.

Is it too late for me to get a job selling derivatives, once I figure out what in blazes they are? I mean, I can buy a suit, a watch and real shoes.

Because here’s the deal, kids: Ultra-luxury cars just knock the jagged edges off life, and I’m kind of tired of rattling down rocky mountain trails in my battered red wagon.

Of course, you expect that and more from anything that costs $248,170. For that kind of cash—leases start at $3,476 a month—I also want a lifetime supply of sunny mornings, back rubs and Red Bull. Bentley aims to deliver at least some of those goods. As you may recall, Volkswagen—yes, VW, the people’s car company—bought Bentley in the late ‘90s. Socialism just ain’t what it once was, I suppose.

Almost immediately, the new German owners set about giving Bentley a sportier edge, mostly to separate it even more from its former stablemate, Rolls-Royce.

The metallic gray Flying Spur I had recently certainly looked the part, coiled and glistening on enormous 21-inch wheels.

Four semi-hip round headlamps flanked a traditional, upright silver grille that prominently displayed the signature flying B emblem at the top.

At 5,300 pounds, the Flying Spur is only a few hundred pounds lighter than most Rolls-Royces.

But its mass spreads out over a long wheelbase, and with its short overhangs front and rear, the big sedan somehow feels slightly more compact.

The 21-inch wheels add to that impression, wrapped by meaty, pretty sporty 275/35 tires.

Stand up front, though, and gaze down the sides. Gigantic doors on the mostly flat sides seemed to stretch into early afternoon, while the long, imposing hood looked substantial enough to support a banquet.

But the Spur’s designers smartly endowed it with strong shoulders on its fenders and a crisp character line down low, giving it a more chiseled appearance.

V-8’S VIRTUES

The tailor-made clothes send the right message. As you may have heard, the new Flying Spur gets a turbocharged Audi V-8 as its standard engine.

If you prefer the more-is-more approach, you can still spin your Spur with the optional VW-derived 6-liter 12-cylinder engine.

But you may not need Daddy Warbucks. The smaller V-8 generates about as much punch as the 12 while reducing the car’s weight by more than 300 pounds.

As a result, the Flying Spur V-8 kind of lives up to its fairly taut looks with slightly better agility and handling.

Although the 4-liter V-8 twists out about 100 fewer horsepower than the 12-cylinder motor, it still brings 500 very stout horses to the party.

And the engine spins an eight-speed automatic that goes about its job so efficiently that it’s mostly invisible.

If it matters, expect to spend some time at fuel stations. The V-8 may be relatively small, but it manages only a middling 14 miles per gallon in town and 24 on the highway.

Silent and otherworldly smooth, the classy engine acts much bigger than it is—a quality I darn sure admire.

Its 488 pound-feet of torque comes to a full boil at a diesel-like 1,750 rpm, so the Spur leaps away from stoplights as though propelled by some giant big-block motor—though you may notice a tiny touch of turbo lag.

Stay on the throttle for a few seconds, and 60 spools up in an estimated muscle-car quick 4.2 seconds, according to Car and Driver.

In addition, the Flying Spur is all-wheel-drive, allowing it to blast away from minimum-wage protests without drama.

While the Spur benefits from a sophisticated air-bag-suspension, it remains more of an Easy Street cruiser than canyon carver.

Even in sport mode, the car moved with quiet grace and composure, simply sailing over most roads in supreme isolation. Point it toward a wide-open interstate. Though the Flying Spur didn’t lean much in corners and stayed planted, the bulky car felt vaguely awkward in tight curves—kind of like a pudgy debutante doing the ‘gator in a $10,000 dress.

Likewise, the Spur’s steering was light and pleasant, but too vague and numb for serious road work.

LOOKING INWARD

But, hey, the focus in a Bentley should always be inward, and the butterscotch-colored interior in mine was designed to dazzle.

The twin-cowl, cockpit-style dashboard wore leather so soft that just touching it sparked fantasies.

Its edges were carefully stitched, and the midsection of the dash got glossy brown-wood trim—“dark fiddleback eucalyptus,” Bentley says.

The steering wheel and broad console were also covered in butterscotch leather, contrasting with a contemporary center stack that cut gracefully into the center of the dash. Even the headliner was stitched in perforated butterscotch leather.

As you would expect, of course, the Spur’s four bucket seats looked even better—pleated, perforated

and perfectly stitched.

Passengers front and back had access to consoles with separate vents, climate controls and display panels.

Legroom and headroom in back was so ample I could have placed a goodsized Igloo cooler filled with Pearl beer between my knees and the back of the front seat.

One of the features I initially puzzled over turned out to be a wooden case for glasses built into the console. For a while, this hick wasn’t entirely sure what it was or what he was supposed to put in there.

If the Spur had a woodburning stove inside, it wouldn’t be a bad place to spend the winter.

For now, though, I need a couple of buzzy compacts and an irritating crossover or two to pull me back into the real world. Quickly.

Super-sophisticates like the Bentley make me pause and ponder what’s left of my so-called life.

Tell me again what a derivative is. And how do you knot a tie?

AT A GLANCE: 2015 Bentley Flying Spur V-8

Type of vehicle: Full-size, four-passenger, all-wheeldrive luxury sedan Price as tested: $248,170 Fuel economy: 14 miles per gallon city, 24 highway

Weight: Approximately 5,300 pounds

Engine: Twin-turbocharged, direct-injected 4-liter V-8 with 500 horsepower and 488 pound-feet of torque

Transmission: Eight-speed automatic

Performance: 0 to 60 mph in an estimated 4.2 seconds

SOURCES: Bentley Motors; Car and Driver