‘Suitor’ beats ‘boyfriend’ if you’re marriage-bound

Inevitably when the year ends, we are treated to a list of new words that have regularly entered the lexicon in the previous 365 days. This year “Tebowing”—to get down and pray regardless of what others are doing—is new to the language.

Well, at the beginning of 2012, I suggest reintroducing a marvelous and helpful word into usage in the year ahead: suitor.

A suitor is defined in the World English Dictionary as:

1. A man who courts a woman;

2. A person who brings a suit in a court of law;

3. A person who makes a request or appeal for anything.

All very helpful.

Now, let's make the connection with George Clooney (stay with me here): I fully believe that if women the world over stopped sleeping outside of marriage with the self-declared “I'm never going to get married again” movie star, he would be quick to wed again.

Instead, of course, he gets involved in years-long dating relationships until the woman he is with gets tired of waiting and hoping that she's “different.” They break up, and he goes on to the next one.

Now, to connect the dots: This same scenario gets repeated in more mundane ways countless times in our culture every day, to the frustration of women everywhere who want to get married. Or, who want to wed in a more timely way than their boyfriends do.

Once, courtship was about finding a marriage partner. Period. In fact, the term “to court"—describing men and women pairing off for marriage—came from the notion of a man “pressing his suit” as he would in court, making his case to his intended that he would be a good husband.

Now, dating, which has replaced courtship, could be about anything. So what's a girl to do when she wants to get married and is not sure about her boyfriend's intentions?

I'd suggest not sleeping with him until marriage and openly declaring “I'm dating to get married,” for starters.

But whatever one thinks of such ideas, here's a surefire way to really clarify things: I propose that this be the year for adult, marriage-minded women to ditch the meaningless term “boyfriend.” Rather, I suggest resurrecting the old-fashioned term “suitor.”

Remember how a man courting a woman is “pressing his suit” for her hand? Perfect. If she starts referring to and introducing her significant other as her “suitor,” this will tell her what she needs to know. (She might have to show him an online dictionary, but so be it.)

Is he happy to have friends and family believe he is pursuing her for marriage? Does he embrace the terminology—or does he wince at it? Does he want to keep her as his “girlfriend,” suggesting the term “suitor” may be a little, you know, strong? Even if he is thinking about marriage, is he put off by the understanding that as the man he ought to be—and we women want him to be— taking the lead in pursuing his beloved?

I'm persuaded that using the term “suitor” can give a girl a lot of useful data in her relationships, very early on. (And when, less commonly, the roles are reversed and the fellow isn't sure of her intentions? Try introducing yourself as her suitor, or her as your “intended,” and see what happens.)

I'm tired of hearing about Clooney's broken-hearted women. I'm tired of the same scenario being repeated endlessly in our culture. I suggest 2012 be the year of the clarifying terminology. Bring back the word “suitor.” I'm convinced we would all be better off if it ended up on the end-of -2012-new-word-list.

And yes, I think the next marriage-minded girl who links up with George Clooney should try using the term “suitor” to describe his relationship to her—and see what happens. She may save herself a lot of time.