Jimmy Kimmel Live

As I’m sure you’ve at least heard, “La La Land” was simultaneously the biggest winner and loser of Oscar night.

They put a picture of a live person in the “In Memoriam” montage. Seeing yourself in an “In Memoriam” is probably one of the most surprising ways to find out you died.

Everyone, somehow, is still talking about what happened at the end of the Oscars on Sunday. Which is funny because I feel like if we discovered some microscopic form of life on other planets, it would be a big deal for like 32 hours before we forgot about it.

The Coachella music festival is getting a new headliner. Lady Gaga will fill the gap left by Beyoncé, who had to bow out because she’s pregnant with twins. I don’t know why Beyoncé’s doctor thought it would be a bad idea to perform in the middle of the desert in front of 100,000 people on mushrooms, but he did. For those of you in other parts of the country who aren’t familiar with Coachella, it’s a huge gathering in the desert — it’s basically a Trader

Joe’s set to music in a large, open field.

The U.S. attorney general, Jeff Sessions, found himself in a bit of a pickle. After testifying under oath last month that he had no contact with Russia or with Russian operatives about the presidential election, the Washington Post ran a story reporting that he met with the Russian ambassador, a man who is described by many as a top Russian spy and recruiter, not once, but twice during the campaign. This afternoon, Sessions said: “Campaign!? I thought he said champagne!”