Players on bench behind coach vote towel as MVP
Talk about leaving the back door wide open.
The seat of Providence coach Ed Cooley’s pants split apart during the Big East tournament championship game, so he used a large white towel to cover the damage. When did he realize he was in trouble?
“When I sat down I felt the great breeze in the crack.”
At Fark.com: “Sam Bradford will sign with Arizona, citing the state’s top-notch hospitals and physical-therapy facilities.”
In the Norfolk VirginianPilot: “In March, when our basketball focus drifts from wiretaps to full-court traps.”
None-And-Done Dept.
The Pac-12 Conference— which went just 1-8 in football bowl games last season—followed that up with an 0-for-3 showing in this year’s NCAA basketball tournament.
And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, now the Washington Generals are threatening to sue for trademark infringement.
Adjust your brackets
Norway came in No. 1 in this year’s World Happiness Report—based on variables such as healthy life expectancy, absence of government corruption and generosity—while the U.S. fell from 14th to 18th.
On the bright side, at least we beat United Arab Emirates in the play-in game.
Sports quiz
When Lonzo Ball said,
“He going to do the circus stuff—I’m not feeding into it,” the Lakers’ rookie guard was referring to: a) the Nuggets’ Jamal Murray b) Lonzo’s father, LaVar
He’s on the DL
Hall of Fame slugger Reggie Jackson took a tumble while taking a walk last week, requiring knee surgery.
Or as he’s now known in physical-therapy circles, Mr. Knocked-Over.
March Madness 101
Q: In a sham course, how can you tell if it’s a basketball player’s term project?
A: His basket is a three-man weave.
Norway, the sequel
A Norwegian musher, Joar Ulsom, just won this year’s Iditarod.
In other words, they scheduled a sled-dog race—and the 2018 Winter Olympics broke out again.
Unfair assistance
North Dakota has been ranked the drunkest state in the U.S.
But it was only No. 5 until Carson Wentz blew out his knee.
Porn free
The Kansas City Royals conducted a spring-training seminar called “Fight the New Drug,” warning about the dangers of pornography.
Players said they couldn’t comment because they won’t let them see the films.
Talking the talk
Ex-Lakers great Kobe Bryant, to ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, when asked if he’ll try to add a Grammy to his Academy Award: “Know your limitations. I don’t even sound good in the shower.”
Comedy writer Tim Hunter, not chagrined to lose an hour last weekend because of the biannual time change: “I got it back at work on Monday filling out my brackets.”
Two for the money
Memphis basketball coach Tubby Smith, fired after just two seasons, will get $9.7 million as a parting gift.
Tubby, we take it, is suddenly a huge proponent of two-anddone.
More headlines
At SportsPickle.com: “Teddy Bridgewater announces retirement: ‘I didn’t do all this rehab to play for the Jets.’ “
At Fark.com: “Tiger Woods is in the lead of a real live golf tournament. Welcome to 2008.”
Tweet of the Week
From Kent Somers of The Arizona Republic: “NFL free agency is just one big yard sale. Your junk is someone else’s treasure.”