The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

Today is Cyber Monday! It’s the busiest shopping day of the year, and Americans spent billions of dollars online. Earlier today, I saw a UPS guy hiding under his own truck and breathing into a paper bag.

Of course, to get deals, there were codes you had to enter online. L.L. Bean was 20 percent off with the code “THANKS-20.” The Gap was 50 percent off with the code “CYBER.” And Kohl’s was free with the code “Please Take This Crap Off Our Hands.”

Everything on the Gap’s website was 50 percent off. But it’s just not the same without hearing a real employee sigh after you grab a shirt, unfold it, then toss it back on the pile.

At Sears, the entire store was 50 percent off. Not the items — you can buy the actual store Sears for 50 percent off.

The CDC says it’s now safe to eat romaine lettuce, as long as it’s not from central California. When people asked how to tell if the lettuce is from that area, officials said, “Eat it and see what happens.”

I read that President Trump was once asked to guess how much the military’s highest-ranking officer earns per year, and he said $5 million. When told it’s actually two hundred thousand, Trump was like, “two hundred thousand million?!?”

The federal government just released a 1,600-page report on climate change. Yep, leave it to America to release a report about saving the planet on 1,600 pieces of paper. Single-sided.