Creating a real-life fairy tale romance
I know I married a fairy princess. I like it when she flounces down the stairs, singing a little song, and the birds chirp in harmony.
Having a partner who catches your eye is very pleasant, and it’s less about how they look than about how you approach your relationship. Here are some tips to help you live your life as happily ever after as possible.
When your love does something nice for you, always acknowledge it (even if it wasn’t exactly what you wanted). Just a simple thank-you goes a long way to helping someone feel that the energy they are giving you is appreciated, and it makes them love you even more.
Give your partner little gifts. Something small and cheap is fine — small and expensive is better, but why quibble? A flower from your garden (or your neighbor’s), coffee in bed, sharing a funny post: all of these things give the one you cherish that feeling of being cherished, and we never get enough of that.
Back in the day, Dad would take Mom’s car to get it washed and gassed up for the coming week. I love that idea, and to give it a little update, I’m washing both cars at home so I can afford the gasoline. Helping make the week a little nicer for my bride just feels good. I’m sure my dad felt the same way.
Being romantic is not about sex, but about giving and receiving the feeling of being desired by someone you love. That being said, sex is part of a loving relationship and needs to be gently nurtured by both of you. If you haven’t talked about your sex life in a while and have something to say, please open up. Those discussions only increase intimacy.
Nurture friendships outside your relationship. Friendships make life fuller and richer. Sometimes when I’m working — and I’m usually working on something — my wife likes to visit with her girlfriends and go on hikes with them. Likewise, pursuing individual interests and hobbies helps to provide balance in your relationship.
Always have a project you are working on together. That can be a house thing, an investment or even a jigsaw puzzle. When you are spending time together, building your castle in some way, it adds to your dynamic as a couple and makes the relationship stronger. When you are finished with one project, move on to the next one sooner rather than later.
A fairy tale romance in the real world is going to look different from the storybooks, but it can be more fulfilling and a whole lot more fun when you know you are with the right person and doing what you need for both of you to get the most out of life.
(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of “The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.” Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @Bartongoldsmith, or email him at Barton@bartongoldsmith.com.)