Grandparents don’t make much effort to see children

DEAR ABBY: I’m 33 with a wonderful husband and amazing kids, ages 4 and 6. I have a close bond with my parents. We live in a city about 80 miles from them. It seems like we are always the ones to do the visiting, and I have to practically beg them to visit me for one overnight visit a year. My house is smaller than theirs, but we offer up our bedroom for their stay. Meanwhile, because my brother still lives at home with my parents, I sleep on an air mattress when I’m there.

Abby, I bend myself into a pretzel to make it work for them, and yet there are always excuses why they won’t visit. Mom tells me she misses the kids, but she invariably expects me to pack a bag and head that way. It’s frustrating. Sometimes our budget is so tight, I don’t have the luxury of spending an extra $70-plus in gas for a trip. My financial situation is not her burden, so I never mention it. I brought up just once in the past that she rarely visits, and she really does believe in her head that she visits at least twice a year. When I corrected her, she blew up.

I’m not sure how to feel about this. Sometimes it hurts inside like a rejection, and other times I feel like I need to tell myself to grow up. So here I am — in the middle, with grandkids who love their grandparents, grandparents who love their grandkids and, if I don’t play the mom-taxi, how will they see each other? — MOM-TAXI IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MOM-TAXI: They won’t. And when your mother asks why you have stopped coming, point out that fuel is costly and your budget is very tight. Then suggest that if she wants her grandchildren to remember her when she and your dad are gone, they need to make more of an effort to visit you more than once a year. If their hesitancy is because your house isn’t comfortable, suggest they stay at a nearby hotel or motel.

P.S. If your mother gets lonely between visits, she can always video chat, as countless other grandparents do today.