Late laughs
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
Everything has changed forever and we can never go back because over the weekend [Feb. 3-4], Apple released their augmented reality headset, the Apple Vision Pro, a breakthrough that will bring humanity to an unprecedented plane of digital omniscience for everyone who has $3,500 to blow on Wi-fi ski goggles.
The festivities already kicked off last night [Feb. 5] at the site of the Super Bowl, Allegiant Stadium down in Vegas, where the NFL held Super Bowl Opening Night. Are you ready to get ready for some football at a later time?
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Today [Feb. 6], the U.S. Court of Appeals ruled that former President [Donald] Trump does not have presidential immunity to protect him from criminal charges . ... Trump’s campaign said that he respectfully disagrees with the ruling. Although if Trump knew how to respectfully disagree with the loss, he wouldn’t be on trial in the first place.
Speaking of [Joe] Biden, I saw that in a recent speech, he mixed up the current president of France with a former French president who died in 1996. Honestly, it could’ve been worse. I was half expecting him to say the president of France was the candle from “Beauty and the Beast.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Fortunately, we will all soon be living in our own self-contained worlds with no human interaction whatsoever. Have you seen the new Apple Vision Pro goggle? ... Some people have been driving with the headsets on to the point where the Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg, had to issue a warning . ... Sometimes, we need a friendly reminder from the government to not play a video game in our ski goggles on the turnpike.
Yesterday [Feb. 6] was the Nevada primary. ... Nikki Haley ran basically unopposed in the Republican primary, and somehow still lost. “None of these candidates” got 63% of votes. Haley got just over 30% of the vote. You know, they say, “You’re second to none.” She finished second to “None.”
Late Night With Seth Meyers
In honor of Valentine’s Day, Popeyes is offering limited-edition heart-shaped strawberry biscuits with a drizzle of icing, after which your heart will no longer be heart-shaped.