New re­frig­er­a­tor gets a cool re­cep­tion and a cold shoul­der

The Advance of Bucks County - - OPINION -

With a big La­bor Day week­end shop­ping ex­cur­sion al­ready sched­uled, The Blonde Ac­coun­tant de­cided to start warm­ing up her shop­ping skills in the bullpen a week early. That’s how I found my­self at the big ap­pli­ance store last week­end. Ap­par­ently we are up­dat­ing our kitchen and are in the process of con­vert­ing all the ap­pli­ances to stain­less steel. I have ab­so­lutely no idea what that means or why it is im­por­tant. In fact, I didn’t even notice that we were do­ing it. It makes me think that some­day she might want to up­date me when I’m not pay­ing at­ten­tion. I’ll wake up one morn­ing with a goa­tee and an ear­ring, or some­thing like that.

But here is my ap­proach on ma­jor ap­pli­ances: Frankly, I do not spend any time what­so­ever think­ing about stain­less steel. If the dish­washer works, great, we don’t need a new dish­washer. If the re­frig­er­a­tor and mi­crowave are LQ fiQH wRrNLQJ RrGHr, swHOO, WhHQ wH GRQ’W QHHG D QHw re­frig­er­a­tor or mi­crowave.

Well, I was wrong. (No sur­prise there, huh?) It seems that stand­ing around our kitchen and do­ing their jobs isn’t good enough for ma­jor ap­pli­ances. They have to do it with a lit­tle style.

The old ap­pli­ances, they have no style at all. They are dated. And they are now, af­ter all these years, the wrong color — bisque. Just ex­actly what is bisque any­way and when did it be­come a color? But I have been around long enough to know that kitchens with panache are im­por­tant to some in the house­hold, so there we were last week­end in the big ap­pli­ance store, ready to take ad­van­tage of the big pre-La­bor Day sale. If I had paid closer at­ten­tion to the ad­ver­tise­ments and lis­tened more in­tently to the sales pitches, I would likely have thought the big ap­pli­ance store was go­ing to give me a re­frig­er­a­tor for next to noth­ing.

Nat­u­rally, the listed price was not ex­actly “next to noth­ing.” But the dadgummed thing was stain­less steel, so hey, we got a ball­game now. Pack it up and ship it out.

$FWuDOOy, , GLG hDvH sRPH LQSuW LQWR WhH GHFLsLRQ. 0y firsW rHTuLrHPHQW IRr a new re­frig­er­a­tor was that it dis­pense crushed ice. What can I say, I like crushed ice.

Se­condly, I wanted the front sur­face to be big enough to hold all my mag­nets and other doo-dads — fam­ily pic­tures and such. This to me is one of the more crit­i­cal func­tions of a re­frig­er­a­tor.

When all the hag­gling was done and the sec­ond thoughts had been dis­pelled, we ended up with a 26-inch-cu­bic-foot fridge with French doors. French doors? What are French doors and why to we need them on the re­frig­er­a­tor? It would have been a lit­tle more prac­ti­cal, I think, to get a French guy to stand next to the re­frig­er­a­tor and open the doors for me ev­ery time I was look­ing for a snack. But The Blonde Ac­coun­tant promptly pooh-poohed that no­tion be­cause we have no place for a French guy to sleep at our house. We’ve got teenagers sleep­ing all over the place al­ready.

I did not, how­ever, get the mag­net-ready op­tion on this re­frig­er­a­tor. Ap­par­ently, mag­nets don’t stick to this type of stain­less steel. Re­ally? How can one man­u­fac­ture a steel re­frig­er­a­tor and not in­clude a mag­net-ready op­tion on it?

Ah­hhh. Phooey. Once we got down to the pa­per­work part of the deal — we ended up with a new stain­less steel mi­crowave, too, be­cause there was an ad­di­tional $1 mil­lion or so off the deal if one bought two ap­pli­ances rather than MusW RQH — , wDs suI­fiFLHQWOy ERrHG DQG GHFLGHG WR FhHFN RuW WhH QHLJhERrLQJ bed­room and bath­room store. That right there should de­scribe just how bored I was.

Mike Morsch is ex­ec­u­tive ed­i­tor of Mont­gomery News­pa­pers. The con­clu­sion of his col­umn can be found at mont­ or Buck­sLo­cal­

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