Mother refuses to be left alone

Dear Abby: I am a 75-year-old man who lives in a gated community. For the past eight months, I have been seeing a woman who lives nearby. We are starting to fall in love.

Our problem is her 95-year-old mother, who lives with her. Her mom is pretty healthy and has some money, but she’s scared to be left alone. Because of this, my lady and I have difficulty finding private time.

We get out for short periods, but we’d like to go away for a weekend together. If we suggest it, Mom makes a stink and gets nasty with her daughter.

She’s suffering from slight dementia but gets around OK with a walker. Mom claims she doesn’t want or need a “grandma sitter.” Any help would be appreciated.

Dear Courting: If your lady friend wants to have any life of her own, she will have to stiffen her spine and deal with Mama.

She should contact assisted-living facilities in the area and find out whether they will accept guests for short stays of only a few days or a week. If the answer is yes, Mama should be offered a choice: Either someone comes to stay with her while you’re gone, a friend perhaps, or she will have to stay elsewhere because being alone is not an option.

Dear Abby: My brother died earlier this year because of an overdose. His wife and one of my sisters lived with him. They also gave him the drugs that caused his death.

Abby, they are treating Mom, my husband and me like dirt. Mom had no say in the funeral at all. They have been having parties ever since the funeral and spending the money left and right.

They have turned my other sister against us. They also turned another part of the family against us. I know it involves drug abuse on the part of all of them. We didn’t do anything to them other than bring forth evidence of what they did and confront them.

I have no idea how to trust or to build a relationship with them again if they ever decide to come back into our lives. Any advice?

Dear Brokenhearted: I’m sorry for your loss, but please recognize that when relatives are as dysfunctional as yours, it’s safer for you, your husband and your mother to move on.