WILD BOOMER WOMEN
What: “An instant community of girlfriends, events and activities for Baby Boomer women.” Aimed at those born between 1946 and 1964. But the group has older and younger members, as well. Meet the club: Happy hour from 5:30 to 8 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 22, at Blue Martini, 5455 E. High St., Suite 101, at CityNorth in northeast Phoenix. Registration by e-mail required. Free for club members; $5 for non-members. For other events, see calendar on club website. Club dues: $59 per year; $99 for added benefits. Website: wildboomerwomen.com. E-mail: sue@wildboomerwomen.com. close friends to a male dance revue. She was shocked and saddened by many of the replies.
“They wrote, ‘I’m not comfortable with that’ and ‘I’ll be happy to meet you, but after the show.’ I had always been a wild child and my response was, ‘Really? What’s wrong with gorgeous men?’ It just blew me away. I thought, ‘I’ve got to find some girlfriends who want to go out and have some crazy fun.’ ”
With no children herself, Barenholtz said most of her friends were married with families and a different lifestyle. She figured there were others like her, Boomers who had found it hard to form new friendships to do more than just grab a movie and dinner.
“I wanted to be fun again, like I was in my younger years,” Barenholtz says.
One Monday, she put the word out on Meetup, an online network of groups with common interests. By Friday, she had heard from 100 women wanting to know more. The women were from a mix of life situations: single, married, divorced, widowed. Some in longtime relationships, some with kids, some without.
“At this age, you’re faced with so much,” Barenholtz says. “There are different burdens now, like taking care of your elderly parents. You may be experiencing an empty nest with the kids gone and you and your spouse or partner having to figure each other out, anew. So you need to get out of the house, you need your girlfriends.”
Most members first attend a happy hour to find out what this club of midlife go-getters is all about. It’s not hard to distinguish newcomers from members. The regulars are the ones wearing the sparkly tiaras, the women with purple and red feather boas draped across their shoulders.
Barenholtz’s crown sparkles atop her shiny brown bob at these monthly events. She’s there to greet potential members, more often than not, and introduce them around so no one feels ignored or unwelcome.
“I say: ‘This is Kathy. Be nice to her.’ I look back five minutes later and it’s like they’ve known each other forever. That brings me joy and it reinforces the fact I’m doing something good.”
Barenholtz often hears how much people enjoy the group when newcomers show up for a second event. “There was a woman who was going through a divorce after 38 years of marriage. She pushed herself to come and she had told me that she felt the group saved her life.”
Those responses motivated Barenholtz last year to transition the organization from a social group to a business, with an eye on national expansion. Annual memberships begin at $59; women can pay $99 and receive access to special events and the opportunity to host their own events.
To date, about 400 women from across the Valley have joined, including 48-year-old Peoria resident Kerry Press.
She wasn’t immediately a fan of the concept or the group’s name. “Honestly, I consider my mother a Boomer baby,” Press explains. “And the ‘wild’ part? I thought it was just going to be elderly women trying to regain their youth.”
A breast-cancer survivor, Press says she didn’t want to spend time on something that wouldn’t enrich her life. But she discovered the group was composed of “well-rounded, well-
educated women” all looking for a good time. “When I realized it was about having fun, that kept me coming back,” she says.
She gushes over one of her favorite outings. A professional chef from Italy invited the women into his home and plied them with Italian wine, Italian cooking and even broke out into song, in Italian, of course. “He sang while we were eating,” Press recalls. “It was wonderful.”
Douglas Kelley, a communications professor at Arizona State University, researched relationships and points out that close ties can shrink as people age.
“There are a lot of women who have kept long-term friendships that were based on their kids” and now that the children are grown, the reasons for those bonds no longer exist, he says. Still other women are becoming single at middle age because of divorce or death of a partner.
But friendship can be vital to physical and mental health, he says. “One of my favorite quotes on the subject is from Ralph Waldo Emerson: ‘A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.’ ”
Kelley, 56, says friendships are often more resilient than the connections people become too involved. As Wild Boomer Women got off the ground, Barenholtz attended every event. After realizing she wasn’t having any fun, she decided to let veteran members help out. About eight of them were selected to become “Girlfriend Guides,” hosting some of the events.
“If I don’t have to host, I can be the queen bee, hanging out in the background,” Barenholtz says.
She’s made several good friends in the group since 2008 but wants to develop more and get to know her close friends even better.
“Everybody thinks that I am so busy, that I have so many friends, that nobody calls me to do anything. Half the time, I’m lying on the couch watching TV.”
She hasn’t neglected old friends in the process of making new ones.
Doreen Pollack has known Barenholtz since before her divorce. She is thrilled at her success and enjoys exploring new experiences with the group.
“I had been working for a non-profit awhile back where you give your heart, your soul and your time,” says Pollack, 57. “I wasn’t having much fun, and Sue pointed out that I needed to get a life.”
But that didn’t sink in until a few years ago, when Barenholtz called to invite her to the Phoenix Open.
“I told her I couldn’t go because I had to wash windows. And she said, ‘Wait a minute. What did you say?’ She said, ‘Can you hear yourself?’ ” Pollack laughs at the thought, adding that she gave in and went to watch golf.
Pollack has since been on many Wild Boomer Women adventures and hosts a monthly book club for the group. “Friends help keep me sane,” she says. have with family or romantic partners. “You may not talk to a friend for six months and then sit down with a glass of wine and just easily connect and care deeply and love each other and all those beautiful things. ... Friendships can be very safe places.”
And people in their 50s and 60s can still explore life and make new friends. After all, Kelley says, “You may have to ride out 30 years. You’ve got to have new choices.”
Barenholtz wants women to feel inspired, vibrant. “Life is very fragile and goes so quickly,” she says.
She’s learned the hard way that she can