Marriage is a partnership
Dear Abby: I have been seeing my boyfriend, “Casey,” for a year. He has said throughout our courtship that we could get married in four to five years.
Over the past couple of months, he has become distant and less romantic. I drive four hours to see him almost every week, and he seems fine then, but when we’re apart, he rarely texts me and seems disinterested.
On one of my recent visits, Casey said he never wants to get married! When I asked what had changed his mind, his response was that he has decided that marriage is a trap. When I asked whether he still wanted to be with me, he said yes.
I know I don’t want to be Casey’s girlfriend forever. I don’t want to waste my time if he’s not going to marry me, but I really want to be with him. Do you think he’ll change his mind again, or is it time for me to end things?
Dear Waiting and Hoping: If you’re doing all of the four-hour commuting, you’re not only waiting and hoping, you are also doing most of the work in your relationship with Casey. From your description of his attention span, when you’re out of sight, you are not on his mind.
Marriage isn’t a trap; it’s a partnership. And like any strong partnership, there is commitment involved. If Casey isn’t up to making a commitment and marriage is what you’re after, you should save the wear and tear on your car and the expense of the gas and find a man who is less gun-shy.
Dear Abby: We live near my wife’s sister “Bree” and her husband, “Joe.” We socialize often at one of our homes or at a restaurant. They have recently become good friends with another couple, the “Russells,” who are delightful.
Bree and Joe sometimes invite us over when the Russells are there. The problem is, when I try to carry on a conversation with Mr. Russell, Joe gets bent out of shape. He interrupts and changes the subject or says something to make me look bad. If that doesn’t stop the discussion, Joe walks off in a huff. I think he’s acting like an immature middle-schooler. (It also triggers memories I have of being bullied and excluded as a child.)
I’d like to avoid these three-couple get-togethers, but I don’t know how many times I can do it without raising questions. An alternative would be to avoid the Russells and converse only with other guests who may be present. Either option, or mentioning it, risks making me look like the jealous 12-yearold instead of Joe. Any ideas?
Dear Odd Man Out: It appears that your brother-in-law is insecure, or he wouldn’t behave the way he is. How sad — for him.
Start limiting the time you spend as a threesome. Ask your wife to find out in advance whether the Russells will be visiting when you are. If Bree asks her why, your wife should tell her that Joe seems upset when you try to carry on a conversation with the husband and you don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Perhaps if she tells her husband to knock it off and grow up, he will. However, if the problem continues, explain to the Russells that as much as you enjoy their company, you’ll be seeing them less often, and why.
It isn’t necessary to mention to any of them the grief you experienced in middle school because, frankly, it is none of their business. 14 Next-door 15 Zorro’s farewell 16 “Nope!” (hyph.) 17 Hatcher or Garr 18 Respiratory
organs 19 Lira successor 20 Mudpacks, e.g. 22 Daisy Mae’s man 23 Stretchy fabric 24 Void’s partner 26 Rusted-out ships 28 Further 32 Bubbletops 33 Refrigerates 34 Trendy meat 35 At the center of 36 Peddles 37 Kind of muffin 38 Asian export 39 Buenos — 40 Aladdin’s
servant 41 Invited, in a way
(2 wds.) 43 Bright star in
Orion 44 Join wood 45 Ashram figure 46 Kind of clock 57 Insult 58 Monopoly buy 59 Ms. McClurg 60 Mini-pie 61 Brash 62 Rookie socialites DOWN 1 Dynamite kin 2 Complaint 3 Gilbert or
Bareilles 4 Felt itchy 5 Port opposite
Dover 6 Full-grown 7 Hoppers 8 Fallen tree 9 Winding curve 10 Colorado town 11 Avoid 12 Positive 13 Explorer —
Heyerdahl 21 Printer’s fluids 22 Pub pints 24 Cubbyholes 25 WWW addresses 26 Dens or burrows 39 Mr. Sandler 40 Encircle 42 Thrilled beyond
words 56 Brown of big
bands