Demands put damper on gifting
My brother has been married 31⁄2 years. They have an 18-month-old daughter. My sister-in-law, “Barb,” is either very rude or passive-aggressive to our mother in emails and when she thinks no one is around.
At Christmas, Barb sends out an email detailing what we are and are not allowed to buy for their daughter. If we can’t do exactly what she wants, she threatens to cancel Christmas. This includes asking her permission before we buy any toys. Barb tells my mom that because her mother doesn’t have much money, Mom can’t spend more than her mother does. So, because my family has a little more money, we are being punished.
Barb is extremely demeaning and hurtful to us. I can’t understand why my brother allows it.
My husband and I are sick and tired of her acting this way, and the way she treats my mother is cruel. I’m tempted to HOROSCOPE
(March 21-April 19). You may get off to a slow start, and perhaps your goal is the thing to blame — not quite big enough to enthuse you. See what happens after you raise the stakes.
(April 20-May 20). In one mood, you’ll say, “No regrets.” In another mood, there’s a list of things you would do differently if you could. Both moods have their merits. The past needs to be examined, after all. It also needs to be released.
(May 21-June 21). You’re considerate, and you love to please, but you’re also careful not to waste a lot of effort where it won’t be appreciated. You’ll have the biggest impact when your efforts are well-matched to the situation.
(June 22-July 22). Go on and jot down those notes to yourself. You’ll be surprised by your own pen. Also, writing will help you mentally organize yourself even if you don’t save what you’ve written.
(July 23-Aug. 22). People making hysterical fools out of themselves may be in keeping with the shenanigans of the day, and you’ll laugh along with the others. You won’t feel complete until you’ve tended to more serious tones, too.
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Congratulations: Today you are the solution. Of course, that means that to really shine, you need a problem. Open your helping heart and the perfect one will quickly show up.
(Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You’ll speak powerfully and confidently. Your ideas will be a hit, as long as you act on them. Be decisive. Follow through. confront her about how she has ruined Christmas for my parents. She basically doesn’t allow us to have feelings, and I can’t believe we are standing for it. Help! — Holiday Hostage
Your sister-in-law may be telling your parents not to spend more money on gifts for the grandchild because she doesn’t want her mother to be embarrassed. However, if her rude behavior extends beyond that, rather than take her on, the person you should “confront” about it is your brother.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Can't get enough advice? Find more columns from Carolyn Hax and other columnists on advice.azcentral.com. Don’t ask for permission when you know it’s what’s best for all.
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(Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Stay buoyant. The others are counting on you to break the ice, crack a joke, make it fun. The heavy karma will work itself out in a hundred lighthearted exchanges.
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