Freeloading relatives irk wife
It has happened again, another stressful, unpleasant Thanksgiving for me. My husband has out-of-town relatives who fly in using frequent flier miles. They get picked up from the airport on arrival and returned to the airport for departure. They spend a week here eating, drinking and being entertained. Never once have they offered to buy any food, help with meals or take us out for dinner. If we go out for a meal, it is always our treat.
They brag nonstop about how much money they are saving, and they could well afford to be gracious. This has been happening for 15 years. They invite themselves. I do not enjoy their company. My husband is aware of how I feel, but has asked me to tolerate them because they are the only blood relatives he’s in contact with outside of our family.
I am left to do the laundry and cleaning after they leave. How can I get rid of them and still keep peace in the family? HOROSCOPE
(March 21-April 19). Instead of wanting something another person, want something that person.
(April 20-May 20). Ask any ballerina; balance requires core strength. Core strength is also needed in your dance through life. You’ll get it in character-building moments. To flail and fall is human. To pop back up, divine.
(May 21-June 21). There are some really tricky aspects to the day, but you’ve been known to surmount much bigger challenges. When you put your mind to it, you usually amaze yourself, and today will be no different.
(June 22-July 22). You’re too busy looking at what you have to notice what you may have missed. Good. Stay that way. It’s the way to grow your love and appreciation into a very interesting future.
(July 23-Aug. 22). Why should you get hooked into other people’s bad moods that have nothing to do with you?
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Whether you’re being paid for the work or not, you’ll benefit from setting clearly defined objectives. Decide how you will know you’ve arrived at the goal, and then choose the actions that will get you there.
(Sept. 23-Oct. 23). What was lost and longed for has been found! It’s one of the most satisfying emotions of all — sweet relief.
(Oct. 24-Nov. 21). As it happens, it only takes a small action to advance the plot of a certain delightful storyline of your life. — Fed Up with Freeloaders
If your husband insists on entertaining these users because of his blood relationship, you should allow him to do it. If you’re feeling magnanimous, welcome them warmly and tell them you’re sorry you can’t spend more time with them, but you are leaving to visit: your grown children, your parents, your dear old school chum(s).
Perhaps when your husband has to shoulder all of the responsibility for those awful people, he will realize the extent to which he is being used and find the courage to tell them what he expects of them the next time they visit. You have suffered enough.
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Can't get enough advice? Find more columns from Carolyn Hax and other columnists on advice.azcentral.com.
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The felicitous circumstance of the day is that what you want wants you right back. You still have to take action to get it, though. The first action will be to communicate delicately but clearly.
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Go forward, even if you have to go alone. It won’t be long before you’re joined by one who sees the significance of your journey.
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You take the responsibility of growing your own brain very seriously. These days, the job may require that you let go of some dearly held beliefs you’ve had for a long time. They may have been comforting, but they are limiting, too.
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