CAROLYN HAX

Dear Carolyn: My son flunked out of college his first year at 18, losing all the scholarships he had earned. He spent the time instead on the internet. He came back home and said, “What do you expect? Everybody was on my case since ninth grade.”

He enrolled in the local community college (spending his own money) to get his associate’s degree and go back to the four-year college. He did well at first but the last two semesters he did poorly, getting one A — in art — and a D and two Fs in the classes required for the degree.

He has a good work ethic. He has held a restaurant job for over two years. He has never missed a day and is held in high regard by his peers and bosses. He also never missed a class at the local college. He just can’t get himself to do the homework.

I believe he uses the internet as an avoidance technique. I am a single mom and he is a big help. He pays rent and always has done a lot of chores.

I don’t know if I should just let him figure it out or keep pushing him. I feel like I’m not being a good mom if I do the former. — Worried

I’m not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but he has figured it out, in his way.

He’s stopped doing what doesn’t appeal to him — school. He excels at what does appeal to him — the restaurant job. He contributes to his household — rent and chores.

Here’s where it gets complicated. Your son might have flunked out because he picked a school-and-career path that doesn’t suit or excite him — or because he has some undiagnosed medical (depression?) or developmental (ADHD?) obstacle to getting work done at the college level.

Internet addiction can be a key player in either one. People who are bored with their jobs or classes are more susceptible to it, as are people with emotional or developmental disorders.