As days grow longer, don’t sweat it if you’re shorter

This column was originally published May 23, 2005:

It sure got hot in a hurry, didn’t it? I don’t mind. I always kind of look forward to it. It’s not that I like hot weather all that much. It’s just that once it gets hot and stays hot the questions I get from you people start to get goofier and hence, more entertaining.

Anyway, today’s question is not particularly goofy and comes from a 14year-old boy who has turned to me, his kindly old newspaper friend, for advice on a sensitive matter, probably under the delusion that I know what I’m talking about.

Sorry, kid. I’m afraid not. Exercise will keep you healthy, but it won’t make you taller.

But you should relax and not worry about. You’re only 14, for heaven’s sake. Some guys grow a foot or more during their teenage years so it’s not like you’re going to be a troll forever. You don’t know what’s going to happen, and you’ve got plenty of time to find out.

Take a look at your parents. Remember them? They’re those older people you see around the house or in the car sometimes. You’ve probably noticed their mouths moving sometimes, even if the sounds don’t seem to register with you.

Are your parents short? If they are, you better get used to being low-altitude because genes play a big role in determining how tall you’re going be. If they are average height or taller, chances are you’ll catch up.

And then there is your pituitary gland, which releases various growth hormones. Trust me on this one kid: Some of those hormones are a lot of fun once you get them under control. And some of those hormones are going to help determine how tall you turn out to be.

So relax. Don’t worry about it. Eat right. Dance with tall chicks. Have a nice summer. Enjoy being young.