Relationship advice: Have each other’s back

The invitation for Megan’s bridal shower asked us to come with a piece of advice about relationships.

We’d write them out on pretty paper, and they’d go in a book for the bride-tobe.

Saturday, we took turns reading our advice aloud, sitting in Liz’s living room, with wine and small plates of food.

I told Megan about how my friend Karen had complained that her husband rarely made a fuss of her birthday, and when he did, it wasn’t what she really wanted. Her aunt Sara told her, “You know how you get what you want for your birthday? You ask for it.”

Ask for what you want. It works, for birthdays, on vacation, in the kitchen and in the bedroom.

Contrary to popular opinion, go to

bed angry, Megan’s friend Karen said. “Sometimes if you are angry, you just

need to go to bed,” she said. Other women laughed and nodded.

Karen has been married for 24 years. “Maybe it has worked out because I don’t really know what I am doing, so I just try not to screw up my part of it,” she said.

“So that’s it ... try a little, forgive a little. And get your own toothpaste if he’s a squeeze-from-the-middle but you are a roll-from-the-end kind of person.”

Keep your friends close, Celine said. You need them still.

Your differences are a strength, Kaila said. Give each other space.

And when you have a choice between being right or kind, Carrie said, “You can’t go wrong with kindness.”

Maggie and Ryan have been married for almost two years.

Every morning, Maggie said, think what you can do to make each other’s day. Also, only ever veto a restaurant if you offer an alternative.

And this, Ryan said, which he will teach to Megan’s Vince. He leaned forward and recited, “I agree with everything she just said.” Have each other’s backs.