Husband allows wife to carry financial burden

without buy-in from Ken.

And there’s no magic fix for someone a-OK with watching a spouse work “lots of overtime” just to keep things afloat despite his having no plan of his own. You’re not carrying the weight while he, say, grinds through law school or works a thoroughly investigated business plan or pursues one concentrated shot at making a creative vocation pay. You didn’t volunteer to be sole breadwinner. You’re working while he plays.

Did you get to look for your passion, by the way? Does your work already fit that description?

So, yeah. You either decide he’s a househusband and see whether there’s a happily-ever-after in that, and if there is, then you restructure your lives to fit into one income – certainly partners are more than their paychecks, or else what happens when one can’t work, is home with kids, or is just really great at and satisfied by running a home? Or you say no, this is not an arrangement you can abide, because the resentment it generates - from the physical fatigue of extra work to the mental fatigue of being broke to the chafe of his draining you to indulge himself - outweighs the good.

Re: Ken: Yes, it could be ADHD, but you are now your husband’s mother. It’s a miserable, miserable way to live. Please, don’t go 20 years with him before reaching your breaking point like I did. You can’t have children with someone who can’t carry their share of the load.