The Arizona Republic

TELL ME ABOUT IT

- — Carrying the Weight

Dear Carolyn: My mother-in-law told me she questions her son’s (my husband’s) paternity. She claims her ex, his father, doesn’t know. She said she wanted me to know in case something happens to her and there’s a medical reason to know such informatio­n.

I feel like I’m keeping a secret from my husband. Do I just carry the weight of this informatio­n and not say anything?

Explain to her, calmly and kindly, that you understand her concern that telling him might affect her relationsh­ip with her son.

However – and unfortunat­ely – your having this knowledge and keeping it from him has already started to affect your relationsh­ip with her son.

Once you spell out the problem for her, then, yes, you say she needs to tell him or you will. I’m sorry you’re on this spot.

Dear Carolyn: I have a chronic health problem I’ve been dealing with for a couple years now. I can’t eat a whole bunch of things and had some weight loss. A lot of people, even good friends and family, can’t just say they’re sorry I’m suffering, they have to comment, “You look great!” or even, “I wish I had that problem!”

I never wanted to lose weight! And they seem to think I should be happy about this. Any clever suggestion­s?

– Infuriated

Clever, no, but meet my buddy “frank”:

“The sickest thing here isn’t me, it’s that our preoccupat­ion with weight is now so profound that my sickness is seen as a blessing.”

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