Friend strikes up relationship with ex

the sooner the better, especially now. Running into John in the new context of not being his girlfriend is the best way to render seeing him – and render him – as ordinary as possible. If you were stuck seeing him every day, next door or at the next desk or whatever, then that could interfere with getting over him (or accelerate it, depending), but you’re talking occasional contact, so the more that happens, the more of a non-event it becomes.

As it stands now, the “ready myself ” plan of avoiding him completely has probably only fed the John mystique. You want to land in the middle somewhere.

❚ Don’t stay quiet, but don’t go all in, either, with a prediction that your friendship with Jane likely won’t survive. Just say the minimum: “That will be tough for me, I won’t pretend otherwise. I’m glad you told me though.”

❚ If Jane and John become a thing and you conclude that’s it for you and Jane, then don’t “silently pull away.” Again, just say the minimum: “I’m happy you’ve found happiness. I tried to be OK with it, though, and learned it hurts too much to be around you two. I hope you’ll understand.”

By the way – he’s not the one who got away. He’s still around, so he’s the one who didn’t fit.

By the way, I haven’t addressed Jane’s choices here for a reason. It’s possible she could have avoided John with your feelings in mind, but callously chose not to – and it’s also possible she was innocently friendly with John and they fell for each other organically. Dwelling on the “Which was it?” question is wasted emotional energy.