Got the wet-dog-smell blues? Try these spritzy hints

From Feb. 26, 2004:

Today, class, we are going to don our frilly white aprons, rubber gloves and hip waders and discuss good housekeeping. To wit:

The other day I gave my dog a bath. He was nice and clean and smelled good. Then he went out in the rain and now the whole house smells like wet dog.

How can I get rid of the smell?

For starters, you could either sell the dog or the house, but I suppose you’re going to want to quibble about that, so we’ll have to go to Plan B.

Of course, part of the reason the dog came back in smelling bad is that dogs don’t like smelling clean. That’s why they roll around in poop or dead things or smelly wet grass — they think it masks their dog smell from their prey, even if their prey is just a bowl of Alpo.

Now you could find some sort of deodorizer or cleaner or whatever that would do the job, but I suppose that would be too easy for you people. You’re looking for a challenge.

As for the dog, I’m told that you can wipe the beast down with sheets of fabric softener. I don’t know about that. Fabric softener makes me itch, so I’m not sure what it might do to a dog. Put the animal outside until it smells better.

As for your house, why don’t you just give the place a good cleaning? It could probably use it anyway. Sprinkle baking soda on the carpets or rugs and let it sink in a bit before you vacuum.

I read one homemaking tip from a woman who operates a wig store. She recommended mixing water and vodka in a one-to-one ratio and spraying it on stuff, like the chair on which the wet dog curled up or on the dog’s bed. Apparently this eliminates odors but won’t make your house smell like a still.

If that seems like a waste of good vodka to you, try this: Mix two cups of fabric softener and two cups of baking soda into four cups of warm water. Then spritz it around on stuff.

Or if you really like spritzing — and who doesn’t? — try a quart of hydrogen peroxide with one-quarter cup of baking soda and one teaspoon of dish soap.