Daughter nixes marriage license

Dear Abby: My daughter, “Heidi,” is 39. She is successful, owns her own business and lives with her boyfriend of five years. I’ll call him Rick. They have two beautiful boys. She has decided to tie the knot with Rick with a nice, somewhat big wedding.

As Heidi has gotten older, she has been changing into a different person. She has become self-centered and controlling, and she puts Rick down cruelly at times.

What’s making me uncomfortable is, my daughter has told only me that she’s doing all this wedding stuff without getting an actual marriage license. When I tried to talk to her about it, she became defensive, cut me off, and then sent me a long, nasty email. So now I just step back.

When

I think of the guests (100 to 150), I feel she should be honest and call it what it is. We are presently not communicating because I won’t respond to that kind of email. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Dear Traditional Mom: Your daughter is an adult, and if you refuse to have anything to do with this charade, I would understand. When guests are invited to a “wedding,” gifts are expected. If it’s a production that’s only for show, the couple is committing fraud and taking advantage of the generosity of their guests.

When couples marry, they must first take out a marriage license. Although people do have commitment ceremonies these days, guests should be told that is what they will be witnessing, and both partners should agree on it.