We want to help, but are we asking the right people?

First of two parts.

When one of my friends posted on Facebook, “All lives matter,” the other day, I did something I hadn't done before. I responded with, “All lives do matter, but black lives are in danger.”

I hadn’t done that before because it was easier to ignore it. Scroll by. Pretend I didn’t hear what was said.

These are people I like, and that makes it harder. But sometimes, the things they say, or post on social media, are not nice. Sometimes, they are racist.

I knew it wasn’t right, but I had let them get away with it. I knew I had to say something.

I didn’t think of doing that on my own. I had called Neal Lester for help on a story. Lester is an English professor at Arizona State University and founding director of ASU’s Project Humanities. He has done extensive research on race and society. And he's black.

When I reached him, he said he did not have the emotional or psychological energy to talk about what is happening in the aftermath of the killing of George Floyd. I was his third call that morning.

“I’m not welcoming these calls,” he said. “I have no wisdom. I have pain, hurt and anger.”

Lester sounded tired, and he is. Tired of saying the same thing every time this happens. He’s tired of answering the questions.

No, he’s not OK. How could he be? Not during a pandemic that already is disproportionately killing people of color. Not while experiencing the trauma of the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd without a chance to regroup in between. It’s not a single incident but decades of having his humanity denied.

He’s grappling with the horror of that, and people like me ask him again and again, “What should we do?”

“I don’t know what to do because I didn’t start this,” Lester said. But he lives it.

I’m asking the wrong questions of the wrong people.