Fight leads to threats of leaving

Dear Abby: My best friend (since we were babies) and I are having a disagreement. She had two kids when she was 16 and 17 who are now in their early 20s. One of them still lives rent-free under her roof.

My friend struggled her whole life but got a college degree, bought a house and owns two cars all on her own. She has recently started having friends over on the weekends and drinking. I understand she had kids early and wants to have a little fun now in her 40s. She’s very responsible and pays her bills.

The other day I walked in and her daughter started screaming at me that I need to tell her mom to stop and saying that she was moving out. I was shocked that she spoke to me that way.

My friend started crying because she loves her daughter and doesn’t want her to move. I say, let her go. She needs to learn to respect her elders, and she’ll soon realize living on her own isn’t easy. My friend didn’t agree and hasn’t said anything to her daughter about how she spoke to both of us. I want to help my friend because she comes to me for advice, but I don’t know how.

– Disapproving Friend

Dear Friend: People often say things in the heat of anger. You walked in on a fight between your friend and her daughter. You have no idea what started it, and you shouldn’t have inserted yourself. When you tried to “help,” your input was rejected. You have already said enough. Now, resist the impulse to stir the pot and step back so your friend can handle this herself.

Dear Abby: I usually send special occasion flowers to my wife at work. I was wondering if it could make some coworkers who do not receive flowers from their partner or husband feel neglected, and cause friction between them and my wife.

– Excluded in Florida

Dear Excluded: If receiving flowers has caused any tension, you probably would have heard about it. However, you should ask your wife what she would prefer because she may enjoy the public gesture of husbandly love.