Couple clash over time with sons

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married five years and are raising four children. One is from my previous relationship, one is from her previous relationship and two are ours. We both have joint custody. My son goes to school near his mom. My wife’s son goes to school where we live. They are 9 and 8.

There’s a lot of tension between us because my stepson’s father isn’t the greatest parent. He never comes to school events or sporting events, so he misses half of everything. I regularly attend my son’s events, which are a couple of hours away and take time away from my stepson. I put my 9-year-old first because he’s my firstborn, and I have him less. My wife disagrees with this, and we fight about it constantly. I believe I am doing the right thing. Advice, please.

– Wondering in Wisconsin

Dear Wondering: I’m sorry your wife’s son’s father hasn’t stepped up to the plate. You ARE doing the right thing by showing an interest in what he’s doing and supporting him emotionally.

Dear Abby: I have been married nine years. My husband doesn’t allow me to leave the house without him. He makes sure I don’t have a car or access to the one we have.

If I go anywhere with my sister or a friend, I must wait until he is gone. If he gets home before I do, he’s sitting on the porch waiting for me. He is not physically abusive, but I feel like a prisoner. I have told him several times how it makes me feel, but he doesn’t seem to get it. I really need some advice.

– Trapped in Georgia

Dear Trapped: Your husband doesn’t get it because he doesn’t WANT to. What he is doing is NOT a demonstration of love or concern for your safety. It’s an example of his own insecurity and need to control you. This is a big red flag, and my advice is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The toll-free phone number is: (800) 799-7233.