Sister wants to be close to sibs

Dear Abby: I recently moved back to my hometown after being away for six years. My family is great, and we all get along. The problem is my sisters. There are three of us (all in our 40s) and a younger brother who lives out of town.

I always thought I was close to them, but after moving back, it seems I can’t break through the barrier of sister versus friend. I’d like us to be closer, get together for dinners, go shopping, etc. But we only saw each other for family gettogethers (pre-COVID), and when we talk, we discuss family matters mostly.

To see us, you would think we’re close, but it’s not the reality. I yearn for a friendship with both of them. I’d like to know their deeper thoughts and concerns, be a source of support and care and generally be viewed as a close confidant.

At the suggestion of some friends, I have tried to foster this closeness by reaching out just to say hi, inviting them over for sibling nights and making myself vulnerable in our conversations by sharing about my life with them. I have a nice circle of friends, so I know I have the ability to foster long-term friendships. What am I missing? Must I accept our relationship as is?

– St. Louis Sister

Dear Sister: This may not be the personal rejection you seem to feel. Was your relationship with your sisters much closer before you moved away six years ago? That you relocated and they found other support systems in your absence may have something to do with this. They could also have busy lives and family responsibilities of their own and therefore be less available for the kind of activities you have in mind. It’s time to stop pushing. Accept that you are all in different stages of life than you may have been when you were younger and concentrate on allowing your friends to be the support system you crave.