ASK CAROLYN

Hi, Carolyn: My ex-husband and I divorced six years ago, when our only child was 21. Our daughter is now 27, married, with a daughter of her own, which means I don’t have to co-parent with him at this point.

I remarried a few years ago to a wonderful man who has an ex-wife and two adult children. My husband and his ex have a friendly, cordial relationship, and I like her as well.

I feel very strongly that I don’t want the same for my ex and myself. It was a terrible marriage. He used to text, email, and occasionally call for a few years, but I rarely hear from him now, and this is fine with me. My husband thinks it’s strange that we don’t communicate at all anymore.

I know I’ll probably have to be in the same room with him in the future, and that’s fine, but am I under any obligation to be in contact with him until then? I got a new cellphone number last year and did not bother to tell him. He tried to contact me recently and had to relay the message to our daughter since he could not get through.

Is this OK? Must I give him a way to contact me directly? I don’t wanna.

– Anonymous

Anonymous: I am reasonably confident the daughter who grew up amid her parents’ terrible marriage and launched her adulthood amid their divorce gave some thought to being her parents’ messenger pigeon recently, and decided she doesn’t wanna.

Your ex tried you once in roughly a year. Yes? That seems pretty respectful of your wish not to be a part of his life anymore.

But if you’re unhappy to have any frequency of calls above zero annually, and/or if the idea he can reach you at any time feels intolerable, then give your ex your husband’s number to use in case he needs to get in touch with you. Presumably your husband will consent to that, since he’s open to having your ex stay in touch.