Otherwise generous man won’t give his heart away

am free to do whatever I want to do.

Am I asking too much to want us to take this relationship to a new level? He shows all the signs of being in love with me by the way he treats me. His mixed signals are confusing. Am I really that naive? — Unsure in Greensboro, N.C.

Dear Unsure: You are not naive. Hope springs eternal in the breast, and you are only human.

When a man tells you he wants you to be free and to do whatever you want to do, what he really means is he wants to be free to do whatever HE wants to do. As much as Gavin cares for you, it’s not enough for him to make a lifetime commitment. So, if being married is your goal, recognize that this honest, but reluctant Prince Charming is not for you.

Dear Abby: My 24year-old daughter, “Lisa,” informed me a year ago that she was engaged. She’s a college graduate living in another state and still looking for a job. Her fiance is a young Marine who plans to make it a career.

Lisa was visiting this weekend and gave us the wedding date, which is in three months. She already has her invitations and bridesmaids picked out, etc.

As she was leaving, she broke down and said she had “something to tell me.” They were married six months ago. She still wants to continue with her “wedding” plans, and have me walk her down the aisle.

My wife and I are extremely hurt and angry for having been lied to all this time. My question is, should I go along with this charade? Any other wisdom to impart? — Lisa’s Disappointed Dad

Dear Dad: At least your daughter told you in advance. I have heard from parents who didn’t learn the truth until months or years after the “wedding.” Feeling as you do, calmly convey your thoughts to your daughter as you have done so clearly in your letter.

As to any “other wisdom” I would offer: As a low-ranking member of the military, Lisa’s husband isn’t going to make a lot of money until he climbs the promotional ladder. Their money would be better invested in other ways than the wedding of her dreams. They can reaffirm their vows later, in a way that is open, honest and less expensive.

To my Jewish Readers: At sundown, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, starts. This is the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. “Leshana tova tikatevu” — may each of us be inscribed in the Book of Life and enjoy a good year.

Bruce Williams

Smart Money

Q: My friend has been telling me how much trouble he is in financially. He has more credit card debt than he can handle and other debt that is in “write-off ” status. He wants to file bankruptcy. He doesn’t seem to understand the long-lasting implications of this. I think he’s trying to take the easy way out. He is 30 years old and makes about $28,000 a year. He has told me that among his debts, he is worried about a $10,000 student loan. Any thoughts? — Reader, via email A: I am missing some information here.

You say you think your friend is looking for an “easy” way out. I suppose by some people’s definition, an easy way out is to declare bankruptcy. But in almost every case, that will not help with $10,000 in student loan debt.

You didn’t indicate how much credit card debt there is, just more than he can handle, and you mentioned debt that is in “write-off” status. Just because debt is written off doesn’t mean the lender has given up trying to collect the money. This debt can be sold to another party at a discount, and the second party then will attempt to collect it.

If he truly has no money, he could consider