Ex-wife’s son is visible reminder of earlier pain

Dear Abby: I was divorced when my son was 9. He’s now 24. My ex-wife married the man she had been having an affair with and they have a 12-year-old son. I am also remarried and in a good place in my life.

For the past two years, my son has brought his half-brother to our beach house for a weekend of

Jeanne Phillips fun. We honored this request and enjoy time with our son, but it is difficult having his half-brother in my home. It brings up emotions I thought I had put behind me years ago.

I do not want these visits to continue, and I need to communicate this. I’d like to have an adult conversation with my son to explain the situation. I also don’t think he should have to carry the news to my ex or disappoint a 12-year- old. Should I send a simple note to her and explain that we will no longer host her son? — Needs the Right Words

Dear Needs: By all means write your ex. Explain that entertaining her son brings up emotions you would rather not have to relive. It’s not the boy’s fault that he’s the fleshand-blood symbol of his mother’s infidelity, but you don’t have to have him there if you don’t want to.

If you would like to have a man-to-man talk with your son, go ahead and do it. He’s an adult. You are entitled to your feelings, and your son is old enough to appreciate them.

A Happy St. Patrick’s Day to my Irish readers:

May you always have A sunbeam to warm you Good luck to charm you And a sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you Laughter to cheer you Faithful friends near you And whenever you pray, heaven to hear you.