The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Detractor explains mercy rule opposition
Mercy rule? Non merci. “A good thumping prepares one for life after high school sports, when there will be all kinds of good thumpings, especially when the IRS gets involved,” reasoned Ron Kantowski of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. “Plus, good thumpings are another reason not to like Geno Auriemma.”
Hold the ice
Number of Canadian teams in 2016 NHL playoffs: 0.
Number of Canadian teams in 2016 NBA playoffs: 1.
Bridle your enthusiasm
Radnor (Pa.) cops arrested a man for punching a police horse during the celebration after Villanova’s NCAA basketball title win.
Sounds like Mongo love Sheriff Jay, too.
Quiet, please
Give-and-take between Bubba Watson and a Masters fan, courtesy of USA Today, after Watson sliced a drive into the trees and tried to address his ball:
Watson: “Can you back up? You’re really not supposed to be back here.” Fan: “Neither is your ball.” Watson: “I don’t know about you, but I have two green jackets. Thanks for coming.”
L.A. breakdown
This is officially the worst L.A. Lakers team of all time.
Spinning in his grave? Jerry Buss is reportedly up to 10,000 RPMs.
Costly interception
A grand jury in Ohio indicted an former Browns employee for embezzling $88,000 from the team.
Wait’ll they realize Johnny Manziel fleeced them to the tune of $7.7 million.
Canadian thinkin’
■ Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, after food poisoning scratched A’s pitcher Sonny Gray from his Opening Day start: “That gives new meaning to ‘right-handed hurler.’ “
■ RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on grousing that Toronto is losing on purpose to improve its odds in the NHL draft lottery: “Who says coaching the Leafs is a tankless job?”
Some paternity test
An 1857 document titled “Laws of Base Ball” appears to show that Daniel “Doc” Adams, not Alexander Cartwright, is the real father of baseball.
It must be true: MLB got the news on “The Maury Povich Show.”
Bird wings it
Arizona Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald took the mound to throw the ceremonial first pitch before the Diamondbacks’ season opener. Nervous? He just wanted to get both feet down and make a baseball move.