Guilt weighs down daughter

Dear Abby: My 92-yearold mother lives alone, still drives and manages by herself with a feral cat she took in. She’s dealing with heart failure, but doing well on her meds. I am 70, an only child, married, retired and live six hours away.

We go to see her four times a year and stay for a week in our RV. We talk on the phone once a week and email a couple times in between phone calls.

Mom says she’s staying in her house as long as she is able. She has nice neighbors who will do anything for her, plus a lawn/snow service. We have told her she’s welcome to come live with us, but she loves her independence and has the cat to take care of.

She goes to her church group, senior citizens group and gets her nails done every three weeks. She’s busier than I am socially. But I feel consumed by guilt hat she’s so far away and afraid that each visit may be our last.

My husband says he isn’t moving, and he has his own activities and health issues. He doesn’t want to stay with Mom more than a week because we end up watching QVC with her all afternoon. I don’t know what to do. Am I doing enough? We pay her taxes and phone/cable/inter- net and any big bills (car repairs). But I’m not there to drop in the way most of her friends’ children do, who never moved away after high school. — Guiltridden in Maryland

Dear Guilt-ridden: You are doing as much as you can for your mothe r.Her friends should not judge because their family situations are not the same as yours. You stated that you email her in between phone calls. Ask your mother if she would be open to video chatting (Skype, FaceTime, etc.) in between those phone calls. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, a lso known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.