Disabled wife is overwhelmed by husband’s messy habits

Dear Abby: I’m a disabled middle-aged woman, married for 15 years. From the beginning, there was never much passion between my husband me, but we’re friends. I’m now becoming less able to go out and do things, and I will eventually be wheelchair-bound. I want to leave him so he can find someone who is able to do things with him.

I actually did it at one point. I moved into a cheap mobile home, but he sold the house and followed me. He’s a loving husband, but he is messy. I exhaust myself picking up after him, and two months after moving into another house, the entire garage and basement cannot be walked through.

I really think what I want is to live alone in a simple, clean apartment. He — and others — tell me I need him and I’m nuts to live alone on Social Security when I could stay in this nice house. I’m just so tired all the time, and cleaning up after him is torture physically. Should I stay or should I go?

— Exhausted in New Hampshire

Dear Exhausted:

Although you didn’t say it directly, your messy husband may be a hoarder. If that’s the case, whether you stay or live elsewhere may depend upon his getting help for it — not to mention getting the garage and basement cleared out.

Obviously, your husband loves you or he wouldn’t have followed you when you moved into the mobile home. Do not divorce him because you feel guilty about not being well. He may need you as much as you need him. If picking up after him is too tiring, then it may be time to get someone in periodically to clean.