Site shames parents who act badly at kids’ games

TULSA, OKLA. — In one video, a fan at a youth soccer game bellows profanities and violently kicks a ball that slams into a teenage referee standing nearby. She disagreed with a penalty called.

Another captures parents at a youth basketball game charging the court to hurl punches at the referee. And yet another shows parents berating game officials as they walk to their cars after a soccer game. The players were 8-year-olds.

The videos were posted on a Facebook page, Offside, created in frustration by an Oklahoma youth soccer referee, Brian Barlow, who offers a $100 bounty for each clip to shame the rising tide of unruly parents and spectators at youth sports events.

“I do it to hold people accountable — to identify and call out the small percentage of parents who nonetheless create a toxic environment at youth sports,” Barlow, 44, said. “It’s a very visual deterrent, and not just to the person caught on video but to others who ask themselves: Do I look like that jerk?”

In fact, many do. A torrent of verbal, and occasionally physical, abuse toward referees nationwide has disrupted the sidelines of youth sports.

The harassment has grown so rampant that more than 70 percent of new referees in all sports quit the job within three years, according to the National Association of Sports Officials. The chief cause for the attrition, based on a survey conducted by the association, was pervasive abuse from parents and coaches.

The result has been drastic referee shortages across the country, with a number of youth and high school games canceled and leagues aborted. Barry Mano, president of the officials’ association, said it receives one or two calls weekly inquiring about the organization’s assault insurance or for the legal advice that goes with it.

Here in eastern Oklahoma, Barlow chose to fight back. Players, parents, coaches and administrators in the area say his online postings — he has put up only a small fraction of the hundreds of videos from around the country he has received — have altered sideline behavior.

“If one parent starts yelling at a ref, all the other parents move away and say: ‘Hey, you don’t want to be videotaped for Barlow’s Facebook page,’” said Kristin Voyles, whose 14-year-old son, Easton, is a referee and soccer player in Broken Arrow, a Tulsa suburb. “We know that everyone on the sideline has a smartphone in their hand.”

And some parents have begged Barlow, who owns a marketing company, to take down certain videos, a request he has occasionally granted. (Because the videos are recorded in public settings and posted with the permission of the person taking it, he said, he has avoided legal issues.)

Barlow, a referee for 14 years, has done more than use the Facebook page to stand up for his fellow officials. He started a program called STOP (Stop Tormenting Officials Permanently) that distributes bright signage prominently placed at youth sports complexes. One sign reads: “Warning: Screaming at Officials Not Allowed.” Another reads: “Caution: Development in Progress, Stay Out of It.”

Youth referees also hand out small badges to offending coaches that read in part: “This is a warning. A ‘youth’ referee has issued this pass. The next one will be a dismissal.”