HOW TO GO TO A WEDDING (OR NOT) AMID A PANDEMIC

Although the coronavirus caused many to postpone their ceremonies earlier in the year, clarity on how the virus spreads and less rigid social distancing mandates are leading to a return of weddings this fall — albeit with mask-wearing and smaller numbers.

That poses previously unimaginable dilemmas for a wedding guest: Will proper cleaning protocols be followed? Will there be close contact among attendees?

Read on to obtain tips on how to take safety into account, as well as how to decline politely if you find that it’s not for you.

1. Be nosy.

When considering attending a celebration, experts recommend something previously considered taboo: asking for lots of details.

Many couples are providing descriptions of the ceremony’s logistics on the invitations or through updated communication and websites. If this information isn’t readily available, there’s no shame in inquiring further, as long as the query is done with respect and politeness.

“You definitely are going to want to do this via phone call. You don’t want to send a text,” says Jacquelyn Youst, etiquette expert and owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol. “Explain your situation. It’s all in the words — and mostly, your tone.”

The gold standard for a safe ceremony is “outdoors, with a mask and with respect for social distancing and hand washing,” says Jessica Justman, an associate professor of medicine in epidemiology at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health.

Other questions to ask include: Will there be sanitizing stations? Will masks be provided or should I bring my own? And if it’s indoors: What is the venue ventilation like?

“You just need to be an informed guest,” says JoAnn Gregoli, owner of Elegant Occasions, a wedding planner in the New York area. “The more information you have, the better you are.”

2. Keep your distance.

If any of the event characteristics sound risky or go beyond your comfort levels, there’s always the option to politely modify your approach, based on your risk tolerance.

“If you get somewhere, and you’re uncomfortable, you can always stand in the back and watch from a distance,” Gregoli says.

Or ask the couple if there is a virtual option.

Many couples are including a broadcast via Zoom or another streaming platform, alongside an in-person ceremony, designed for those who are high-risk or otherwise uncomfortable.

3. Politely decline.

There’s no shame in telling a couple you cannot attend the ceremony. As Youst puts it: “Health comes before etiquette.”

Most couples moving forward with nuptials in 2020 realize that not everyone will be able to attend.

“The guests who are invited to a wedding, it means you have a very special relationship with the couple,” says Esther Lee, senior editor at the Knot. “The couple cares about you.”

They should respect your decision to refrain from a choice that could endanger your health, she notes. Just be sure to thank them for the invite and convey wishes of celebrating the milestone sometime in the future, when the risk of infection is lower.

Even if you decline to attend, Youst recommends sending a gift; the amount of money spent can vary in proportion to your finances and relationship with the couple.

“Your gift represents your good wishes toward the newlyweds,” she says. “You still want to be part of the celebration. You still want to send your well wishes. You want to cheer them on.”