Line in the sand drawn over sons’ habit of dropping by

Dear Abby: In our 20 years of marriage, my wife’s two sons have frequently stopped by or called ahead with 10 minutes to a half-hour’s notice. It usually happens around mealtime.

I plan every meal in advance, and would welcome them to visit with a little common courtesy. We had two lamb chops in the oven and 10 minutes before we were ready to eat when one of the sons and his wife called to stop right over. I was furious. I was waiting for them to leave, but then my wife invited them to stay for dinner. I blew up and hollered loud enough that they all left.

My wife insists family can stop by anytime. I disagree. Common courtesy should be taught, and there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Now’s not good. How about in an hour or two?” Who’s right? — Husband in the Kitchen

Dear Husband: Everyone was wrong in this situation. The son and his wife know your routine. They shouldn’t have been stopping by without warning. Your wife should not have allowed them to sit around for an hour while your dinner was growing cold. For her to have invited them to stay for dinner when there wasn’t enough food was thoughtless. I can’t blame you for losing your temper. However, it could have been handled without raising your voice. Perhaps you could have some prepared meals in your freezer for occasions like this. Or, when family calls to say they are on the way, you can suggest they bring something with them.

Dear Abby: I work at a corporate office, where I’m treated very well. My boss is nothing but polite to me. Although she is kind to me, she’s curt and rude to other staff members. Two of them have quit. Besides being rude, she went out of her way to criticize their work.

She is now bullying a third staff member, who confided that they, too, aren’t sure they want to stick around. The head of HR is a close friend of my boss, so no one feels comfortable reporting her. How can I let her know she’s creating a tense atmosphere? – Fretting in Philly

Dear Fretting: I think it would be unwise to do what you have in mind. From your description, your boss may be behaving this way with certain employees so they will quit and she won’t be required to give them unemployment benefits.