Think about what triggers you, and then let go of it

What is the worst way someone could describe you? What is an adjective that makes you shudder if you are associated with it? Some of the most common ones we hear are dumb, lazy, ugly, selfish, evil, boring and careless. Do any of these trigger you?

If you had to name the top five words you’d least like to be used to describe you, what would they be? Why do you think you chose these? What is your connection to these terms? How is your past connected? Have you received this feedback in your history? Or maybe you’ve always been reinforced for its opposite.

Try this experiment. Take some time to write down what your top five are. Then ask the people you know what their top five worst adjectives are. You’ll notice that they are often different. Why is that? For example, some people laugh at being called dumb while others are mortified. The reason each person reacts differently is because of their psychology that they have developed over the years.

Dolly Parton was recently cited saying that she’s not offended by being called a dumb blonde because she knows she’s not dumb or blonde. And she makes a joke of it. Someone else may be absolutely enraged by being called similar. People have a mental model of themselves.

They have a fixed idea of who they should be. For example, if someone believes that they are of utmost value when they take care of everyone, then being called selfish may really trigger them. If some people have worked hard throughout life to prove themselves by accomplishing major milestones, then they will often be flattened to be described as careless.

The most important lesson in this exercise is to understand your triggers and the underlying reasons beneath them. Then it’s invaluattachment able to release the to what others think because most often it’s their projection. Care most about how you describe yourself. Be gracious in this process.