Future faking, intentional or not, is damaging to victims

Have you heard of future faking? You may have fallen victim to it if you’re unaware of what it is. This dynamic can occur in multiple settings and with a variety of people. It feels terrible and confusing when it happens to you.

So what is future faking? This is when a person promises you something in the future, then doesn’t fulfill the promise. This could be intentional or not. It also can be considered dangling a carrot, especially when one does so to manipulate. This dynamic often is used with unsuspecting victims to get them to think and act in a way that the perpetrator desires. The person utilizing this technique often is well aware of your desires and can be quite skilled in dangling a carrot of what matters most to you. You may have innocently spoken about things you truly care about, and the other person recorded it in their memory banks to use it later. Future faking is most often damaging and confusing to victims until they learn how to spot it.

Here are a few examples. A boss could promise you a promotion if you work extra hard for a while. A spouse could promise that they’ll support your dreams after you put them through school. A parent could offer a summer vacation that they never follow through on. An organization may promise a career outcome in the future if you enroll in their program for a fee. When you bring it up, they may pretend the promise was never made. They may dismiss you. They may even act as if you’re confused about the conversation. Victims of this dynamic often feel foolish, guilty, responsible and unworthy.

How can you help yourself in these dynamics? Look for patterns — others and your own. Keep a journal or calendar to record. It could be indicative of a deeper pathological process. Trust your gut. Don’t second-guess yourself. Take radically good care of yourself, even if others object.

Each year in early March, I begin making the rounds of nature preserves, parks, gardens and other green spaces to see if any spring wildflowers are blooming or getting ready to bloom. It’s my surefire way of shaking off the winter doldrums and rejoicing in a new spring. But my ultimate destination for early spring wildflowers is the place that I’ll be visiting this weekend — the “Pocket” on Pigeon Mountain in North Georgia’s Walker County (not to be confused with the Pocket Recreation Area near John’s Mountain, also in Walker County).

Botanists laud the superb beauty and diversity of Pigeon Mountain’s Pocket. “Many people consider it to be the best wildflower walk in Georgia from mid-March to midApril,” say Hugh and Carol Nourse in their book, “Favorite Wildflower Walks in Georgia.”

My botanist friend Richard Ware of Rome, a former Georgia Botanical Society president, says that “a few other sites come close, but none pack such a great diversity of plant species in such a compact area.”

What makes the Pocket such a botanically splendid habitat is an ideal combination of geology, microclimate and water. Geologically, the Pocket is a narrow valley — a miniature gorge — bordered by steep slopes and limestone cliffs.

Like me, throngs of visitors go there this time of year to see luxuriant growths of “spring ephemerals” and other early spring wildflowers — spring beauty; trout lily; celandine poppy; foamflower; rue anemone; Virginia bluebells; blue cohosh; Dutchman’s breeches; wild geranium; several trillium species; several violet species; fernleaf phacelia; bloodroot; sharp-lobed hepatica; Jack-in-the-pulpit; and many others.

I expect to see all of these and more when I visit this weekend. I’ll see them from the Shirley Miller Wildflower Trail — named in honor of Georgia’s former first lady — that runs nearly half a mile through the gorge. The trail’s first 800 feet is a wooden, wheelchair-accommodating boardwalk that takes visitors around the Pocket’s most sensitive areas to protect the wildflowers. The boardwalk then connects to a rugged footpath that ends at a stunning waterfall.

■ IN THE SKY: From David Dundee, Tellus Science Museum astronomer: The moon will be full on Monday. Mercury is low in the west at dusk. Venus, Mars and Saturn are very low in the east just before sunrise. Jupiter is in the west at sunset.