After a loved one dies, we navigate life’s deepest valley

The memory is as vivid as if it had happened yesterday.

We were getting ready for dinner when the phone rang one hot day in the summer of 2012. My husband picked up the phone, and I heard his dad’s voice on the other line. My husband’s excited greeting turned somber as he moved from the room. I knew right away something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

He returned to the kitchen and gently pulled me aside. “We need to go,” he said, his tone sending chills down my back. “Donnie’s plane went down.”

The following days unfolded like a bad dream — a nightmare you wish someone would wake you up from. The confusion, pain and shock of it all lingered in the air as we tried to comfort each other after the death of my brotherin-law.

And then there was what comes next. It happens on the day you watch your loved one’s casket lowered into the grave. Friends and family hug you goodbye, and those left behind face the reality of a life without the person who was there only days before.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted (…) a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; (…).”

In the book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon wrote about life’s valleys and mountaintops — good and bad times inherent to our time on earth. As Solomon wrote these words, God inspired him to compare different circumstances in life to the seasons and natural course of nature. Just as the night falls, we can be sure the sun will rise again. And as the seasons come and go, faithfully each year, so do the good and bad times in life.

Indeed, if nature could sing one song, and the creator could repeat only one sentence to us through life’s trials, it would be “This too shall pass.” Except for death.

I have known difficult circumstances in life: loneliness, cancer, financial burdens and betrayal. Each of these trials brings the hope that the sun will come up again and the sorrow will eventually end.

When you lose your job, you cling to the hope you will eventually find work again. While facing a health challenge, there is always the hope that healing will come. But in the physical realm of what we know, there is no pain more profound than what one suffers when losing a loved one.

Death brings pain one cannot simply “get over.” There is no cure for such heartbreak, and nothing can permanently and effectively fix it. The only hope is that, in time, God will heal one’s heart and bring back the peace and joy that death carried away.

If you are in a season of grief, Mike Nappa’s new book “Reflections for the Grieving Soul” is for you. Nappa is an award-winning author who lost his wife, Amy, to cancer in 2016.

In the days and months following her death, Nappa struggled through ongoing grief and loneliness, prompting him to reach out to friends, asking them to send Bible verses. These verses became a lifeline in his darkest hour. He started journaling about his struggles and God’s hope through Scriptures, which eventually became the book he now offers as a resource to those facing grief.

During our conversation, Nappa said his intention when writing the book was not to assist individuals in quickly overcoming grief or to accelerate the stages of grief. Instead, he hopes to offer honest insights from someone who understands their pain and to serve as a supportive companion through the journey.

Of all life’s valleys, grief stands alone as an immutable reality, a season that defies the soothing balm of passing time. Each loss, each goodbye, etches its mark upon the soul, leaving an indelible imprint of sorrow and longing. And yet, amidst the darkness of grief’s shadow, God stands alone as the giver of renewed joy and hope — a hope beautifully embodied in the pages of Nappa’s “Reflections for the Grieving Soul.” To listen to Patricia’s interview with Mike, search God-Sized Stories with Patricia Holbrook on all podcast platforms or YouTube. You can find “Reflections for the Grieving Soul”anywhere books are sold.