Changing how you behave under duress requires awareness

Are you aware of how you behave when you’re under duress? You may be a person that withdraws or overly engages in these circumstances. You might lash out at others or sabotage yourself in some way. You may drive too fast, make impulsive decisions or make costly mistakes. Some people overindulge in shopping, eating and drinking.

When you find yourself doing any of the above behaviors, practice observing yourself through the wisdom of awareness. Notice what you’re doing. Identify it without criticizing yourself. This is the first step toward making changes.

Once you’ve observed the behavior, identify the thoughts, emotions and situations that occurred beforehand. This awareness provides further information about what is triggering you and how you respond in a dysfunctional way. See if you can trace your reactions. Where did you learn them? How has it served you well in the past? All behavior is purposeful, so you were able to find relief in these activities at some point. Eventually, though, they backfire on you. You end up with less-than-optimal results.

What’s a more productive way to respond to difficult thoughts, emotions and situations? Once you’re aware of your patterns, create a plan to preemptively intervene on yourself. For example, you may choose to take a walk instead of shopping online. When you’re able to intervene on yourself consistently, you create a new pattern.

Similarly, when you notice others engaging in dysfunctional patterns, recognize they are stressed and not necessarily a bad person. For example, if a family member is acting agitated or controlling, it’s a sign something is wrong. If your colleague is making mistakes, address the behavior with firm kindness. More listening and less lecturing is helpful.

These strategies are a part of having emotional intelligence and provide a way for you to strengthen this ability within yourself.