Frightened wife wants to stop living a lie and leave husband

Dear Abby: I have been deceiving my husband for a couple of months and can’t figure out how to come clean. I feel like a terrible person. We have been married 17 years and during the first four or five we were happy. We don’t have very many disagreements, but when we do, he always wins. This is because he’s intense, intelligent and very intimidating, so I always back down.

I am so uncomfortable with him and careful about what I say that it has started to make me depressed and anxious. I’m in therapy and trying hard to speak up for myself.

The deception I speak of is that I have rented an apartment in another town and have lied to him about trips to see my sister, my daughter and my mother just so I can feel some peace, read a book, knit and just ... be. He has no idea because our finances are separate (his choice).

I’m afraid to tell my husband I want to leave him because a few years ago I expressed how unhappy I was and said I didn’t recognize this small, scared version of myself. He went from frighteningly furious to crying and begging me to stay. I felt so guilty that I stayed. He knows I’m unhappy. He even knows his quiet, underlying rage scares me. His pitiful begging me to stay makes me feel like a bad person.

I feel so much better when I’m away from him, but I’m terrified about how he’ll react when I say I want to leave for good. I know that when

I do gather the courage, I’ll likely lose everything we have together. Please advise me. — Facing the Truth

Dear Facing: The time to talk to an attorney is now, well in advance of taking any action. Doing so will help you to determine exactly what kind of financial hit you may suffer if you follow through with your plan to leave. Since your finances are separate, it may not be as bad as you fear.

Because you are fearful for your safety, you should also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (thehotline.org). The folks there can help you to formulate a safe escape plan.

Dear Abby: My significant other loves to play video games. I believe he has become addicted. I don’t know how to tell him enough is enough. I would love to be heard and noticed by him, but he is too infatuated with his video games. I have even participated in his hobby with him. Am I the “bad guy” for wanting quality time? What can I do? — Losing the Game in Maryland

Dear Losing: There is nothing wrong with playing video games — unless it becomes an obsession. Tell your significant other that if he wants your relationship to continue, he is going to have to devote more time to it. Tell him you no longer feel you are noticed or heard, and that it is hurtful. How he reacts will tell you all you need to know about whether your romance can be saved.

■ Background: When the Flamingo opened in December 1946, its mobster owner, Bugsy Siegel, had stars in his eyes. He imagined his glitzy hotel-casino attracting Hollywood’s gilded set, but his dreams never panned out. Today, the biggest celebrities at one of the Strip’s last remaining Mob-era hotels are Wayne Newton and Piff, the “America’s Got Talent” contestant who dresses up like a magic dragon and performs with a chihuahua. Both are paid to be here.

■ The room: In 2017, Caesars, which owns the Flamingo, embarked on a $90 million renovation of nearly half of the 3,500 guest rooms. To my surprise, $11 and change landed me a refreshed room in the Spa Tower. The spacious and spotless room was bathed in pink light and decorated with such flamingo flourishes as framed prints and a lamp featuring the leggy bird. The basic amenities included toiletries that made my skin squeak and a tall stack of mildly scratchy towels. The bedding was standard fare: snow-white sheets with a thin coverlet and a four-pack of squishy pillows. My favorite perk was the minifridge that didn’t have sensors, so I could stash my perishables for free.

■ Restaurants and shops: The retail row reminded me of a dying mall. The stores sold enough flamingo products to adorn every lawn in Florida. The dining options had a lot in common with highway rest stops. In the Flamingo Food Hall, I could taste the grease without even having to purchase a meal from the Wingzone, Nathan’s Famous or Johnny Rockets. Higher up the food chain, the Bugsy & Meyer’s Steakhouse has a speakeasy that was closed because “we don’t have enough business,” a hostess told me. The only two bars open during my stay sat in the middle of the smoky casino floor. I bought a can of beer at the provisions store and moved the party to my room.

■ Highlight attraction: The four-acre Wildlife Habitat, a rare slice of nature with flamingos, hummingbirds, ducks, koi and turtles basking in the desert sun.

■ Did we get what we paid for? The room and garden were worth more than the $11 investment, but the restaurants and shops were disappointing. I would stay at the Flamingo again as long as I made plans to dine elsewhere on the Strip.

The author’s hotel room at the Flamingo had basic amenities, including toiletries that made the author’s skin squeak and a tall stack of mildly scratchy towels.

The food court offerings left much to be desired, the author noted.