DEAR PRUDENCE
WITH ADVICE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AT HOME, WORK & BEYOND
Dear Prudence: My partner and I are getting ready to have a baby soon. Though we’re both in good health, we’ve asked my partner’s sibling to become our child’s guardian in the event something should happen to both of us.
This was partly because we thought they could provide a stable home life and partly because they’re the only practical option, as both our sets of parents are aging and in poor health. Then the pandemic became serious. My partner’s sibling thinks the situation is entirely overblown, is not practicing social distancing, and advocates for ending social distancing immediately in order to “protect the economy.”
This is making me rethink giving them guardianship of our child, should something happen to us, but I also know that my anxiety is running high at the moment. Am I overreacting?
— Not-So-Great Guardian
Dear Not-So-Great Guardian: The point of offering someone guardianship of your child in the unlikely event of your death is not to make them feel good about themselves or to demonstrate how much you like them. It’s to make sure that your child will be raised by someone you trust, someone who will commit to caring for and stewarding your now-orphaned child’s well-being.
It’s not necessarily realistic to look for someone who will act in perfect lockstep with your every wish, but neither is it unreasonable to seek out someone who shares your basic values and doesn’t dismiss serious health crises as “overreactions.” You and your husband should talk seriously about other possible candidates for guardianship before putting anything in writing.
It may be that you can’t find anyone else who’s willing and able to do so, so you’ll have to make do with your
husband’s sibling and hope that the guardianship will never become anything other than a contingency plan.
And if you decide to change guardians, there’s no need to have that conversation with them while tensions are running high.
You may find making a decision one way or the other, even if it’s a difficult choice, relieves your anxiety — but if you want to wait a few weeks (or even longer), feel free to give yourself time until you feel a bit more settled.
Email your questions to Dear Prudence, aka Slate’s Danny M. Lavery, at prudence@slate.com; join the live chat at 9 a.m. Mondays (submit your questions and comments at Slate. com before or during the discussion); or call the voicemail of the “Dear Prudence” podcast at 401-371-3327 to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show.