DEAR PRUDENCE
Dear Prudence: I am a single father to a 6-year-old, “Jane.” I lost my wife last year. The house behind mine belongs to “Kelly,” a single mom in her late 30s. Jane has befriended Kelly’s kids, but Kelly wants to be friends with me to an embarrassing extent.
She comes over to ask for “favors” dressed up in tight clothes and high heels. I have stopped fixing things because she will crowd me and make suggestive comments. If she has a sip of wine, she will giggle about our kids being “practically” siblings and joke about moving in with me. Her hugs last way too long.
I’ve told Kelly that I am still mourning my wife and not interested in dating — twice. She nods and continues.
The ugly truth is I am not interested in Kelly and find her overbearing and crude. She isn’t a bad person, but if I didn’t have Jane, we would never have spoken. She is a good mom, but I don’t want to be friends with her beyond the kids. I have tried letting her down easy but it doesn’t stick. Help.
— Not Friends
Dear Not Friends: Let go of the things you can’t actually control, such as what Kelly wears when she knocks on your door, and focus on the things you can.
If she stands too close to you, say, “Can you step back, please? I need more room.” If she goes in for a hug, tell her you don’t want one. If she tries to carry a conversation beyond play date logistics, you can excuse yourself to take a call or move laundry or whatever task comes to mind.
You can use COVID as a short-term excuse if you like, but since you might be neighbors for years to come, I’d recommend just saying no.
If she starts to say something suggestive, interrupt her and remind her that you’ve asked her to stop making that kind of joke around you.
“I don’t want to flirt with my nextdoor neighbor” is hardly an “ugly” truth. You’re not being ungallant or unkind. You just don’t want to go out with her, and you want her to listen when you tell her to stop.
You’re perfectly entitled to politely reinforce these limits, to restrict the amount of time you spend speaking to her, and to let her down a little harder if she doesn’t take “no” for an answer.