CAROLYN HAX
ADVICE WITH ATTITUDE & A GROUNDED SET OF VALUES
Dear Carolyn: Next week my wife and I are scheduled to go on a very expensive, nonrefundable 10-day trip for our 10th anniversary. [This was pre-COVID. —CH] We have three dogs, and we usually board them with a woman who is suddenly unable to take them. One of our dogs is a rescue with a difficult past and needs to be handled very carefully, so entrusting her to just any old pet sitter is out of the question.
My mom has offered to step in and visit our home four times a day to take care of the dogs. My wife doesn’t trust my mom, since she has been very vocal about disliking our dogs because she hates the fact that we have dogs, not children, and in some twisted way she blames the dogs. She even cut them out of a family picture we gave her.
No matter what she’s said or done, my mom would never, ever, hurt or mistreat an animal.
My wife says she won’t enjoy our vacation if my mom is in charge of our dogs and has suggested we board them at a fancy pet resort the rescue group recommends. It has “suites” and webcams and exorbitant prices, literally costing as much as our vacation. My wife keeps saying peace of mind is priceless, but I think the bigger issue here is the wedge this will drive between us and my mom if we turn down this huge favor she is kindly offering. What do you think?
— Dogs Vs. Mom Vs. Wife
Dear Dogs Vs. Mom Vs. Wife: Thank her profusely for her offer, then say you decided it’s just too big a favor to ask of anyone.
Because even though she offered, it is a huge ask. It’s totally credible to treat this as letting her off the hook vs. firing her for cause. As for boarding the dogs, do some more asking around, no? No facility has a monopoly on peace of mind.
Dear Carolyn: I will see if I can hunt up a more reasonably priced option, but my wife is insistent that the place MUST have a webcam. Oh well, happy wife, happy life — right?
— Dog Guy Again
Dear Dog Guy Again: Um. Not a fan of the concept, no — I mean the wife/life thing, not the webcam, but I actually don’t think much of those, either, because they’re just tethers to Here when you are going out of your way to experience the thereness of There.
They’re not my dogs, marriage, trip or bank balance, but strong references are the nonnegotiable, to my mind, not the surveillance.
Readers say:
“Look up training companies in your area — oftentimes they offer boarding/sitting options, with a trainer being the one who takes on the pup! It’s not perfect, but it may lead to a middle ground. P.S. Would you leave your human children with a woman who defiled pictures of them?”
“Any “wedge” here is your mother blaming you/your wife/the dogs for your life decisions.”
“Unless she lives right next door and is sincerely fond of the dogs, that is a well-intended offer that you really should excuse her from having to make good.”