DEAR PRUDENCE

Dear Prudence: I am on the autistic spectrum, and I lack the ability to completely hide this—specifically, the longer or more interactions I have with a person. So, I am wondering when it comes to dating should I be up front and include this information in the about me profile and hope that someone is open to dating someone on the spectrum or try and hide this until the person starts making commits or asking questions as usual?

—Mask On or Off

Dear Mask On or Off: I want to be careful not to suggest that you owe any of your personal health information to the many random people who may be perusing your dating profile on any given day. You don’t.

But I think it does make sense to share it there, and maybe even mention it again in your initial “Hey, I liked your profile” chat, to cover those who think you’re cute and have swiped on you without reading a word of what you wrote.

When it comes to what exactly to say, put yourself in the mindset of sharing something about yourself in the way you might share it with a friend. You’re not giving a warning, telling a secret, or unloading baggage — you’re helping your potential date get to know you.

How you put it will depend on your personality, how autism presents for you, and what the topic you’re discussing is, but I could imagine something like “I’d love to meet up. Being on the spectrum, texting isn’t really my favorite,” or “I’m a big texter more than a talker—it might be an autism thing.”

Or you could just work it into a casual update like “I’m good! I was just listening to a podcast about autism” or “Work was fine. My autism on top of remote work can be an interesting combination but I’m starting to get to know some of my coworkers better.”

Doing this will allow you to screen out people who have negative feelings about your being on the spectrum, and will increase your chances of meeting someone who can relate to your experience.

More importantly, you’ll be giving yourself the gift of dating free from what I can only imagine is an incredibly draining internal dialogue (Have they noticed? Am I masking? Should I stop masking? Are they going to ask a question? Should I make an announcement? Before or after the entrée arrives?) that distracts from your ability to enjoy yourself and get to know potential romantic partners. Dating is tough enough without all that.