DEAR PRUDENCE
Dear Prudence: I’ve been seeing a man who is nearly perfect for the past few months. The problem is I don’t find him attractive. At the same time, I’ve dated many jerks and realize he is a diamond.
Aside from being intelligent and kind, he is also well-off, and I am an artist who is part-time employed at best. I’m 39, and a husband like him would allow me to pursue my artistic career and have children too, which I want.
I feel affection for him but not romantic love — to be perfectly honest, if he hadn’t pursued me for a date with such zeal, I would have not given him the time of day. I’ve kept things casual but he wants to get more serious, even get married.
I know my grandmother married for convenience, not love, and had a successful marriage that lasted 50 years. I’ve been seriously considering marrying this man, but when I told my best friend that I don’t really love him, she became very upset and essentially called me a gold digger.
I’m torn. On the one hand, I think we could be good companions and he would give me many of the things I crave, including stability and a family. But my friend says I would be preventing him from finding true love. I’ve been passionately in love before and I don’t know if that kind of love should be more important than long-term friendship and support.
I also fear this opportunity won’t come up again. But I also don’t want to hurt him. Should I flat out refuse him if he brings up marriage again? Should I be practical and marry him?
— Love or Money
Dear Love or Money: Nope. When it comes to marriage, “maybe” means no.
“I fear this opportunity won’t come up again” also means no.
“I’m leading on someone who clearly wants a different relationship than the one I want”: Another no!
There are people out there who are perfectly comfortable with the idea of making money and stability more important than love in marriage (in fact, they’re all over TikTok exchanging tips), but you’re very clearly not one of them.
If you were, you’d be gleefully planning a life of making art and living comfortably while feeling neutral about the person you wake up to every day. You want more. Embrace that. Break up.